magentalab

i wish christmas came with coupons, i wish i could un-invent wrapping paper, i wish thanksgiving was followed by a national day of laying in bed because you ate your ass off day. i wish micheal jackson would have died a black man, i wish it was more socially acceptable for a man my age to trick or treat, i wish that when i start going bald it forms into a natural mohawk shape, i wish jiminy crickets star had some truth to it, i want pecans right now, i want to rest my head on a nice pair of tits, i wish i wasnt confused for every imaginable race on the planet besides the one i really am, i wish i could get rebates just for living in the state of nj, i wish people would stop bragging about their phones, i have zero interest in your phone's ability to tweet, facebook, video call, google, text and whatever the fuck else it does. i wish people would stop saying the economy has gone to shit when they have no real clue what they are talking about, i wish more of humanity had the courage to be really honest with each other, i wish dave chappelle was still on tv, i really hate it when i see people go through a drive-thru and then park and eat, i wish i could execute extreme couponer's on site, i want my tombstone to read "no one ever really visits this grave anymore", i have completely forgotten everything i learned in middle school and if i had a receipt for it i would demand my money back, i want robin williams knuckle hair. i think everyone needs to be bullied in their life and learn how to fight back.

i want a hug