magentalab

i need to find new ways of being not me and be a zero for the ages

i want to start a new religion called piratism, i want gilbert gottfried to read me my miranda rights, i wish i could exist with humanity better, i want my action figure to include a trading card of me, i want a penthouse in a hotel that was designed by willy wonka and have an oompla loompla give me an awkward look when i forget to tip him, i dont give a fuck whether or not you like me or the things i do, i am the way that i am and i will only change for one person. so every bad little thing you say about me while you sit there and judge me, is so fucked and i hate it, i wish soda had more complex labels, i wish boobs had less power over me they are so terribly terrible, women are beyond me i feel like giving up, i wish i had a sneaker that told me how fat i was after a few steps in it, if i could make something into a transformer it would be me hair dryer, i wish there was something i could do about ridding the world of shitty people, i want to be surrounded by fluffy pillows right now, im thinking this might be the last year i do the whole friends thing, i want charlie sheen to be my mentor, you know patrick swayze is really living the ghost life, i wanna lose weight by running around in circles while reading anne rice novels, im gonna rename sit ups tummy pain

why is that people have so much insight into others but not themselves? are we in purgatory? if life came with a how to book, what would it be called? should cars come with emoticons? who would you put on "ignore/block" in our real life? why is drinking alcohol generalized as just drinking? which ninja turtle would you want to have as your neighbor?

sorry i just had to get all that out there