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madscience_7

Westminster, CO

Member Since 2004

Followers 106 Following 155

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Thursday Jun 14, 2007

Jun 14, 2007
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I'm done. I'm finally done. My career at Mines is over. I never have to go back there again. By all rights, I should be extatic. I should be flipping out about my sucess.

but I'm not.

I'm actually really bummed.

Its over. All of my friends that I have made over the past 4 years - gone. Mike, Chachi, Steve, Erin, Gina, Karen, Eric... gone. The absolutely beautiful women, though few and far between, I will never see again. Goodbye Charlotte. Goodbye Janelle. Goodbye Kristen. Goodbye Caitlyn. Goodbye Erin. Goodbye Sarah You are all just memories now. I was never very social at Mines. Now I am regretting it hardcore. I never made any connections. I have no way to get together with them again. I met some of the most amazing people there, and its all over. They're gone.

My routine that I knew so well is over. I'm back at square one. Or even square zero. I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me, and that terrifies me. I have never felt like this before. When I finished high school, I had college to look forward to. When I finished middle school, I had high school to look forward to. Now, I have nothing. Everyone says that now is when your life is supposed to begin. I feel like my life has ended. I have no guidance, nowhere to go. I feel more alone now than any other time in my life. All I can see is an endless sea of "what now?". It seems like the whole world is empty.

What can I do? Where do I go?

I guess I am supposed to find a job now, but I don't have any idea what I want to do with my life. I thought college would give that to me, but it has only made things worse. My number of choices has increased a hundredfold and I still don't see a good one for me.

My whole life I knew what to do. It may have been something I didn't want to do. I may not have even known how to do it. But there was still something there. Some purpose for me. Now its gone.

I have been reduced to a slowly rotting lump of flesh named Andy.
mariecr:
biggrin cute blog take care!
Jun 14, 2007
corneilus_wright:
Wow, sounds like I journal I would have written 3 years ago.

Good luck smile
Jun 15, 2007

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