madlucas

so now my whole house (all 300 square feet of it) stinks like puke.

how could this happen, you might ask? well let me give you an answer: I'm an idiot. oh yes .. on the grand scale of idiocity, I currently rank (and I do mean 'rank') around a 7.2.

you see .. I love peanut butter. so, incidently, I purchace lots of it. I like to save the little glass jars. I like to take my change and put it in the jars I save. I have a jar for pannies, and I have a jar for nickles. the rest of my change sits in a big bucket, left by the last tennant. I son't like the big bucket, so I save my peanut butter jars.

the best way to clean a peanut butter jar out is to let it soak while you wash your dishes. fill it with warm soapy water and set if off to the side while you wash your one pot, three pieces of silverware, and your cup. by the time you get done with the five pieces of washing you have, your jar will be easy to clean.

so I set the little jar off to the side, just behind the paper towels (not much counter space in a 300 sq.ft. place .. sometimes unlikely partners must share space) and then promptly forgot about it.

for about a week and a half.

I've been noticing a funny smell in my house for the last few days .. I took out the trash a day early, made sure the strainer in the sink was clean, checked the stove for something I might have missed.. then I found the peanut butter jar. when I spotted it I thought to myself 'wow .. that's been there for a while now .. it might be what smells'.

ok .. back up to the 7th grade.. it's science glass and Mr.Poulin teaches a very important science lesson. he tells us that sometimes chemicals have very stong smells that can actually burn our noses if we're not carefull, and then instructs us on how to hold the item we're going to smell away from out face and use our hand to scoop a little air from what ever it is (it was a bunson burner if I remeber correctly) to our nose.

ok .. fast forward about 15 years and picture me standing in my kitchen/dining room/living room, with my shirt off (ok, you don't have to picture that part .. I just like trying to get people to picture what I might look like naked) and holding onto a small jar filled with chunks of fuck all knows what. there's a faint smell coming from the jar, so to see if it's what stinks, I twist off the lid, place my nose about an inch from the scum coated water, and take a deep breath.

it's about as close to passing out from a smell as I think I've ever come. lucky for me I was standing in my kitchen/dining room/living room (which means I was about 3 feet from the sink) and I hadn't had dinner yet. I spent a better part of the next two minutes dry heaving over the sink, trying to figure out, through all the tears, how to dump that shit out without having to stand over the sink and smell it any more. I finally just set the jar down, turned on the hot water, and walked away.

not the best idea in retrospect .. what I should have done was dumped it down the can. but my mind wasn't really in focus when I made the choice to put the jar in the sink .. so all the jelled scum scudge went right down the drain and into the catch pipe under the sink.

which is where it's sitting right now, filling my whole house with something that smells like what I imagine vomit from a cadaver might smell like.

I'm thinking I might just leave the water running for the nine hours I'm at work tomorrow .. (will I ever learn?)