madison0922

working where you dont belong sucks. i work at a bank and pretending everyday that i like it is fucking sucking the life out of me. the people i work with are nice, the job itself isnt all that bad (except those few choice customers who are the biggest assholes on the planet), the pay is better than what i could be making elsewhere, i get benefits, perks etc.... but im an artist. i can play bank teller all i want but then i come home and i look at pictures of tattoos and i think waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i have to get out of here and get somewhere that i actually want to be! this life is ok, but why settle for ok? im lonely for art. tattoos are so fun and i want them and i want to design them and put them on other people already!!!
the upside is that i will be pursuing it soon, but sometimes soon isnt good enough.
its the little things like the way i dress and do my hair... i need to go back to expressing myself visually because ive always been that way. i dont even have time to paint anymore. i cant afford canvas either. all my money goes to bills and right now, christmas. i love christmas, but its breaking me! im supporting myself and my husband right now. its not that hard (hm, didnt we just move in to my parents basement?) but it doesnt leave any elbow room for say, saving up to do an apprenticeship.
and i miss having friends. but i just dont get along with girls. they last a year or two or three but i just cant handle the drama. maybe ill find people more like me, or at least less retarded than my previous attempts at best-frienddom. i have two good girl friends right now. i see one less than once a week (we try to get together to watch miami ink/la ink on tuesdays but sometimes it doesnt happen) and the other i get together with to watch movies and get high on the weekends but thats about it) i love them both but its just not the same. oh well.
AND randy is in a bad mood because he didnt sleep well. wah, poor baaaby. hah im pissed at him at the moment if you couldnt tell.
grr.