madigan

On today's week in review:

1. Influenza: Microscopic Ass-Kicking.
2. Christmas and Why I Hate It.
3. Tipping: Dear Non-Europeans..
4. Oops -- Insert Foot In Mouth.
5. Pictures Of Success.

So let's get this show on the road 'cause I have to keep your attention for five minutes and I don't have any shiny objects, you furry bastard.

1. I still have a cold and I do not, I repeat, do not appear to have the rampant flu strain going around. This is somewhat disappointing because I just love being a statistic.

2. Shopping for gifts is just about as enjoyable as Kenny G. I simply can't afford to buy everyone something -- especially since I can't go half with my sister anymore. Yet another reason to loath this "joyful" holiday. And talk it up all you want but eggnog is disgusting.

3. If you're the kind of person who thinks tipping is for suckers -- well FUCK YOU. I'm not the Yank who made the damn rules in restaurant dining -- so suck it up and hand over a few bucks, Mr. Pink.

4. Talk about killing two birds with one stone, or rather, insulting a fellow co-worker twice in one breath. The 'Big Momma' I pointed out at the front door turned out to be a relative and without skipping a beat, I exposed my unenthusiastic love for speds. Mind you, her brother has a speech handicap. Damn, I'm good.

5. The more I see and think about this new profile picture the more it bothers me. All I need is some long greasy hair, scuff marks, a plastic shopping bag t-shirt, and I could be the local crazy in the park.

Compliment Of The Day:

Just when I thought you couldn't say anything more stupid -- you keep talking.