madigan

I am in the process of renting a house with two of my [male] co-workers. I'm getting excited about living with the boys, but they may just drive me nuts. I hope not.

The backyard alone is enough to want this house. Check it: two lime and plum trees, a cherry tree, a walnut tree that technically belongs to the neighbor, horseshoe pits, a bar-b-que pit, and a garden patch. It's a pretty big backyard. I will also get the master bedroom and my own bathroom -- oh yes.

. . .

Let's backtrack a bit, shall we? I admit to doing some very stupid things over the past four or five months. I'll be honest; I got into drugs. The bad, bad kind. I would be so bold to say that if I hadn't stopped I would be dead by winter. My wee body simply could not handle the substances being put in it.

Being clean is a wonderful feeling. I'm happy. I care. I can appreciate all the little things, like seeing the Milky Way out here. Sitting with friends and not have to worry about the next high. That long lost feeling of being content. I want to paint -- it has been well over three years. Not being the monster I had become. I am laughing and smiling again.

I hurt a lot of people along the way. Namely the girl I said I would always love. I still do, of course, but if there was a chance in hell of being together ..gone. I could apologize for the rest of my life and it still won't be enough. If only words were like band-aids. We just barely started "talking" again and if that is the best I can get, I'll take it. I will love her always.

I can't change the past, but I can take what I have experienced, learn from it, and keep moving forward.