Losing my sanity....but maybe in a kind of poetic way....slowly and painfully....everyday...it slips through my fingers more and more. Pain is something a human is not meant to endure for weeks and months at a time... Why do all the doctors just brush it off.. when I'm twisting and turning...moaning...tears dripping from my eyes. Sitting in there chair begging for help. "please, I can't take the pain anymore...I can barely walk, I can't sleep, This isn't living... help me...." They coldly reply " Many people complain of pain, there is no medical evidence to prove you have any condition worthy of any further testing." EXACT WORDS
Is there a good, honest, caring, doctor, in Connecticut!?!?!? I need to find one, either one to find out what is causing this sickness or at least one who will drug me up for the rest of my life... I know 20 people off the top of my head that get huge bottles of painkillers they don't need...they used to sell them to me... But...
I was, am, so proud of myself getting clean from painkillers... But now I look back and say..." Why did I stop?" Be clean and constantly miserable... or addicted and sometimes miserable....?
Yeah, now I'm doing things legally and my parents are happy but I'm on the edge of blowing my head off 24/7. When I did oc's I took em every 6-8 hours (most of the time) and was pain free but not high. I will not lie and say I never got fucked up. But it was rarely. I am the biggest anal retentive bitch when it comes to drugs and money. Counting dollars and hours down to minutes to make it all last the longest possible...It was good, If money never ran out...it would still be good... but the people around me...stole from me...beat me....raped me...mentally...verbally...physically....Now I fear I have nothing left but my words....
Is there a good, honest, caring, doctor, in Connecticut!?!?!? I need to find one, either one to find out what is causing this sickness or at least one who will drug me up for the rest of my life... I know 20 people off the top of my head that get huge bottles of painkillers they don't need...they used to sell them to me... But...
I was, am, so proud of myself getting clean from painkillers... But now I look back and say..." Why did I stop?" Be clean and constantly miserable... or addicted and sometimes miserable....?
Yeah, now I'm doing things legally and my parents are happy but I'm on the edge of blowing my head off 24/7. When I did oc's I took em every 6-8 hours (most of the time) and was pain free but not high. I will not lie and say I never got fucked up. But it was rarely. I am the biggest anal retentive bitch when it comes to drugs and money. Counting dollars and hours down to minutes to make it all last the longest possible...It was good, If money never ran out...it would still be good... but the people around me...stole from me...beat me....raped me...mentally...verbally...physically....Now I fear I have nothing left but my words....
roguemind:
And your art. Which you are very good at. And you always have an ear to cry/yell/bitch/talk into. It won't fix your problems. Believe me i've tried. But it helps to distract us.