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maddog_hoek

the town

Member Since 2004

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Tuesday Oct 23, 2007

Oct 23, 2007
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I'm now over two weeks behind in my year in review, let alone months behind in actually keeping up with my story, so hear goes.

This year began with me milking a job for nearly five months; I was one of very few developers left because I previously busted ass. Not quite two months into that five I took a trip out to San Francisco. I partied in the city with one group, then had a great sendoff to NZ with a different group out in the hills. Not much transpired at the beginning of the calendar year, at least not for the first month. Come February, having been worn out doing nothing in January, I snorkeled and relaxed in Cozumel.

March is where we really begin to see change. Those friends I helped send off got me a job in NZ. With accepting this job I took the time to get a motorcycle license not to mention filter down a bunch of my crap and move out of the apartment I lived in for nearly 3 years. Holy crap, my first time living in a different country. It's also a time where I've made a name for myself at my new job. I did this before when I was challenged, and here I am again.
I bought my first motorcycle, a Ducati Monster, which I had 2 months before crashing it. Any crash I can walk away from I'm happy with; the minor lingering knee issues are more than made up for by the wicked scar.

I went to burningman, where every day incredible things happened More will come of this if I ever get pictures here instead of just slumming it on flickr.

I've been struggling with this update for 2 reasons:
#1. I'm at another point where I'm unsure of what I want to be. How many chances do you get to reinvent yourself? High School, it's a change a week. College, in the dorms and in your first place, once you choo choo choose a major. Graduation. I've thrown in a couple of wrenches after that. Alaska. (almost) Seattle. New Zealand.
I feel the call for Martial Arts, so I can get out some anger and find some balance.
I am driven to better pursue music, to have something that can survive through time.
I am driven into my career, to become enough of an expert a book and travel around consulting.
So many things calling my name, which leads me to

#2. Nothing is ever enough. Type B personalities can stop reading at this point.
I'm in phenomenal shape, but I still see the flaws.
I'm going in to ask for a raise that I deserve. If I get it, I'll be happy, but then I'll think about what would have happened had I asked for more. If I don't get it, I'm screwed, because I will continue to attack the challenges anyway.
I. just. don't know. what will make me happy?

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