I love my Catholic candles, even though I am still searching for my lost faith. I mean honestly, can something that costs less than a buck cleanse me of my sins? Maybe it works like shaking salt across your shoulder. just some good luck. I just appreciate them being around on rainy days.

Tomorrow, im going to call my doc up about some acupuncture. My back is killing me. I would love a quick fix, even though Ive never beenI think it looks pretty religious and holy enough to give it a try. I heard it works wonders. I just hope my insurance covers some of itwell shit I dont think it does.

Yeah the holidays are becoming a slow IV drip of bahumbug for me. I remember not being able to sleep through the night on Christmas Eve. I remember it going by so fast, not being able to stop myself from smiling. I do plan on decorating a small fake tree though, those rituals need to be continued, just so I can sit down when im glum and look at it with a kiddish appreciation and glow.

Things arent bad, just not what it seemed it would be, and thats to be expected. I want all these things, sometimes I feel so selfish. Human nature though, I suppose. I just want to be happy inside, and not have to rely on others for fulfillment, and I have come a long way from the beginning. I want to be in control of my life. I want others to see that I can do what makes my heart content and make a living too. I want all these things. I need to start climbing the ladder. I trust that it will all fall into place sooner than later.

Im going job hunting eithier tomorrow or the next. I know Katz is hiring, and so is Huts. Im not giving up though on finding a apprenticing gig. I swear I wont. i just need some money in the bank account.

Im enrolling in some schooling also. Take some sociology and British literature classes. Just relax and do my thangg.

Love to you.