sirens scream, laughing fills the knots in my ears...click goes the turn signal and the wind is pulling the car down the ditch, leaves wave and walk down the brick, white is nowhere

i see in vivd color
vivid color
vivid madness

sitting still shaking with fists closed tight and legs shutting in the warmth, flying, my hair goes past my neck..my thoughts..images, are all repeated, orginal is what i can't be anymore, for i have wasted my brain, medicine is for the old, im too young to be on this devils hook...

but the temptations of falling are too great, the ice is gone but that doesn't mean the temperature won't go sour again..i was lonely, its just a cover...this 'so called' smile, in reality its only a blister, it won't ever heal..it makes everyone not wonder, they don't anyway..on the skin i look white and curious, but i know the rest.

butterflies rise out from my breasts and float to the top of my eyelids, this woman im becoming isn't worth it..my body streching and grasping for nurturing ..my heart is the only thing i want..cut off this from me, cutt off my fingers, toes, cut off the rose from my hips..

distorted arms and a twisted leg,.i wasp away a breath, because im groaning..pills shape my world because people say it helps, but i think i can be found without...blurry letters and doctors pokes and pricks, this is rape, because i don't want it back, i can't stop growing and getting sicker and death is for little girls these days..i knew of a time when i tasted good inside of you...when i wanted to be a mother.

i wrote that awhile back, and its really leaves me with a sense of fermented time...i was wasting myself back then....i was caught inbetween myself, i fell in love to quick..i couldn't reason with my thoughts....but yeah im a new girl these days..and i wouldn't ask for more.

q: when did you realize you changed?


love yous