macio

my birthday is in..4 days i think,but we're having a party tonight.hard to get trashed on a tuesday and want to function wednesday..im so depressed though. i dont know why exactly.im young.i can tie my shoe laces with little inconvenience (although it's a little hard.im missing 1/2 of two of my fingers on my left hand,one being my middle finer ive always wanted to give it to someone double-birdie like,too.maybe thats why im depressed..but i dont think so.) and my cars usualy runs.ehhh.the past week i've just felt like not moving at all.then last night the weirdest thing happened : a good friend of mine, a firl whom i thought was straight,really.even though we'd had a few sexual encounters with one another,i thought it was just cause we were drunk - isnt that why anyone has sex with a friend? - tells me that before we both get married (she's engaged to a man she's known for maybe 3 months and i'm to marry in august) she wants one last fling. i was shocked! and she wanted her fiance to be in on it. honestly, i have participated in such a thing before,realizing later that maybe it was a bit akward(sp?) but this is too much! i think he's disgusting,honestly,and i havent thought about her like that in years.it's bothered me every since.i told her no, i could never do that to Alena, i love her to death just sooo weird....she had a baby earlier this month, then her baby's daddy died later that night;then my mamawbroke her hip and now she acts fuckin crazy;then my dog Blackie got parvo and we've spent about $1,500 getting him well at the vets! ( credit cards, of course.fuck im stupid) and in all of this i havent thought to pay bills or clean my house or water my garden so my vegetables are dieing, my house looks like a hooker-pad and they turned my phone off. im so stressed.maybe thats why all i want to do is smoke and drink beer through a straw so i dont have to sit up.thanks for hearing me bitch
anh, ehh..wish my happy birthday,would ya?! xoxoxxx