machiavel

There seems to be a repetitive theme in my journal posts. That is, my health; I have often had health scares in the past which have luckily proven to be not severe. This current one I am quite scared about. I probably said that the last time, but this one seems not so good. I have, for many years, fought an onging battle with fatigue. This battle originally began when I was 14 and got a really bad case of Pneumonia. Before that I was a fairly healthy kid, never had a cold, had a once a year bout with tonsilitis. I was a runner and doing fairly well at it. Fatigue was not a real part of my life. After the pneumonia is when things started to change. I made it through high school without enormous fatigue, but my career as an athlete was indeed over. My freshman year of college I contracted Mono. That took me out of school for a month, and seemingly killed my immune system for a while. The fatigue started around that time in a consistant way. Actually now that I think about it some of the fatigue started before the mono. I eventually went to a doctor when I was sleeping 14 hours a day and not feeling rested. I felt sick all the time. At that point I was diagnosed wth Candida. I went on the crazy diet: No sugar, cheese, bread, yeast, anything fermented, white flour, ETC......I felt really good had massive amounts of energy and I wasn't depressed. But then I of course fell off the wagon, back to sweets and sugar and cheese. Since then I have been battling this Candida thing, now going on 20 years. I have tried all sorts of things(diets, drugs, supplements) feeling good at first, then falling off the wagon. A week ago headaches started coming regularly. My energy was dead, my mood was a minute-ly rollercoaster. I felt like crap. I figured mybe it was the yeast again. Bear in mind I have not eaten refined sugar in two years. A new symptom started as well. All my joints were hurting, and I mean all. being one of the many uninsured, I rarely go to the doctor, unless I need major help. I went to a doctor I trust, he said it could be Rheumatoid Arthritis. Looked at my throat and sinuses and saw an infection. He said the inflammation can happen when we are sick, if there is some joint breakdown happening. So now I am I being tested for the following fun diseases. 1. Lupus 2. Rhematoid Arthritis, Lymes Disease. I am taking a Cipro like drug, which makes me extremely moody. Needless to say I am quite freaked out. I am starting to realize the pain thing has been with me on and off for a long time. I just figured that is the pain level that normal people live with. I have always wondered why, when I can be really involved in yoga, It feels like somedays when I go to class I have not stretched ever in my life. Then the fatigue sets in and I give up going. It also seems like my body chages shape. From the supple strong look to an older less in shape look. No matter how much I force myself to exercise the change happens. It is very frustrating, in the past I would avoid exercise, this time I am powering through it with no great result. Its like my body is resisting the exercise. Anyway, I am on edge until Tuesday when I get the tests back. Maybe I will finally figure something out. I just really do not want anything of the things I am being tested for. I would make me despair greatly. Finally at the old age of 39 I was starting to appreciate the way I look, it feels like it is now being taken away from me. I hate it.