machiavel

I still have no net access, so I apologize for not being around, hopefuly I will be back online in a few days..I am visitng NYC at the moment.....had one really kind of fucked up thing happen an hour ago...I had just finished a Pilates class, I was standng on the corner of 7th Ave checking my voice mail and leaving a message....not paying to much attention, and I see this young guy walking up, he is about 6' 1" droopy jeans shaggy hair.....before I know it his hand is in front to my face giving me the finger saying "Fuck you you ugly bitch".....For second I have no idea what is happening, I think he maybe talking to a woman near me....I turn around as he passes by and he turns back and looks at me and says..."yeah you" .....It comes so out of nowhere that I do not say anything to him,,,,I kind of stand there for a while feeling quite confused....I try to let it go.I cross the street,,,it starts to bother me, and I think that maybe I should follow him... to ask "what the fuck?"..but then I think no, it's not worth it....maybe he thought I was someone else that had done him wrong, or maybe he thought I was gay (since I was in Chelsea wearing a shirt with sleeves cut off which could very easily be seen as a muscle shirt) and perhaps he is just a huge homophobe...So in the end I walk away...but this sort of thing always bothers me...1st of all because when I was a child if someone was going to be mean they would inevitably call me ugly,,,,which always hurt me and for some time made me believe that I was....2nd...People do try to randomly taget me, and it is always when I am feeling relaxed and peaceful. when I do not have my guard up which is something I am trying to let down more and more...3rd.....because it is out of nowhere I am never prepared and never quite have a response that I feel good about.....so that was the begining of my day...I am working on seeing if it can get better........I hope everyone is grand