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macbastard

El Cajon

Member Since 2002

Followers 113 Following 64

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Saturday May 03, 2003

May 3, 2003
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Rain came today.

I usually hope long and hard for a storm. It allows me to be slow in my life and enjoy something that is rare to me. But today the rain comes as a emassiry of emtyness. I spent the day with friends, but I was alone. I ate, but the food did not fill my belly. I went out in amoung the crowd, yet I was holed up.

I look back on my younger self and I am wistful. For I thought so much of fancy and was so optimistic of future. The older I get, the more I feel I have let my younger self down. I think my youngerself, being a harsher judge in such matters, would have scorned me now. Or even turned his back upon me compleatly.

Ahhhh wine. My lavish friend. You do not judge. You are not expensive. And you are mercifully quick. Thank you.

It is a shame in this world that in order to be loved you must exercise restraint in the very emotion in which you seek. Too much too soon, equals too little too late. Why must people dwell on that which does not matter? On things which are of no releivence to there actuall existance?

But I Die.....gress.

And I bitch. Like the whiney sort.

The greatest gift I have been given is my artists soul.

It is also my greatest curse. Empathy and a willingness to treat others well and receive love from others, well that should be rewarded. And all to often it is not.

Alright, I am rambling in a sorry for myself manner.

"Red axe in hand, battered on hill.
The dark mass below, now dangerously still.
No wife he has and hard falls the rain.
Cold and alone waits the fighting MacShane."

Never more true than now.

Macsorryasspost
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
chiquita:
oh macscott!!

thoust worry so!

if only your macsorryass was in maryland...i'd take you out for bacon and eggs and a dousing in the chesapeake bay...that'd turn you around...

i miss you sugar! you don't call, you don't write...we WORRY!
May 3, 2003
babybeezer:
Dancing in the neon lights outside a Taco Bell sounds lovely. And hey you forgot the part where you pelt me with the rancid meat you brought with you because you had a feeling that I just might suck.

I tried to go see your movie today but when I got there 10 minutes before the movie started there was a line for X2 tickets around the block which I tried to cut to just buy my ticket but the lady at the ticket window wasn't having any of it and told me to stand in line. Balls to that.

Three cheers for having the sould of an artist. Now pass me the wine...
May 3, 2003

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