Ya know.....I've tried real hard to get over her. I've let 5 months go by and gotten help for depression that she brought to a head. I am on a VERY low dosage med to help my mood. I saw her yesterday and was o.k. But I saw her tonight and I just coulden't hold myself up straight.
I coulden't think right, coulden't speak witha coherent patter, I felt my carefuly rebuilt spine sink out to the floor and heard it shatter. Leaving me as I was before.
I don't want to feel. I was happy NOT feeling. Now my thoughts spin out of control like they used to, the thin dam of chemical help broken, flooding my poor phyke with tortured "What if's" and "Shoulda beens". I wonder if she will call me, just like I woundered before. And secretly I hope she does. But I am terrified that she will.
I erased hers. I am at the mercy of a ring. Every moment I will cheack my phone for a message or a number yearning for her voice.
Im sick with want, sickened by my behavior and feelings and sick of the outcomes of my bus crashes one could call relationships.
fuck. Oh boo hoo poor me....But I hurt. I want to embrace the very rose that will pearice my veins and bleed the life from me as I drink in its beauty.
I don't want to do this anymore. Please let it stop.
Scott
I coulden't think right, coulden't speak witha coherent patter, I felt my carefuly rebuilt spine sink out to the floor and heard it shatter. Leaving me as I was before.
I don't want to feel. I was happy NOT feeling. Now my thoughts spin out of control like they used to, the thin dam of chemical help broken, flooding my poor phyke with tortured "What if's" and "Shoulda beens". I wonder if she will call me, just like I woundered before. And secretly I hope she does. But I am terrified that she will.
I erased hers. I am at the mercy of a ring. Every moment I will cheack my phone for a message or a number yearning for her voice.
Im sick with want, sickened by my behavior and feelings and sick of the outcomes of my bus crashes one could call relationships.
fuck. Oh boo hoo poor me....But I hurt. I want to embrace the very rose that will pearice my veins and bleed the life from me as I drink in its beauty.
I don't want to do this anymore. Please let it stop.
Scott
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this is reminding me of something i'm going through.
i'm waiting for the bottom that never comes...
i sincerely hope you feel better soon.
sometimes all you can do is give it time.
i ended a 4 year relationship this year. the boy was also my best friend. it tore down my world when it ended.
if you want a sympathatic/empathetic ear to talk to, i'd be more than glad to listen.
xo
natalie