macbastard

the following origionaly appeared in the publication of: SG BOARDS >> LIFESTYLE >> A GENTLEMANS THOUGHTS ON HOBOS OR MACBASTARDS WEEKLY ESSAY# 1. And now its here as I am going to write another soon.

Hello all. I used to tear up the boards with my posts. I was all post, post, post, like three, four five times a day. But now since I have found somthing called a life....Joking...I actually just havent been around because I suck. I wish to post more. And to help I am going to start writting Essays on things of importance in my life, in hopes to better connect with you all the gentle reading public. And so begins Macbastards weekly Essay...#1.


I am sad.Why are you sad Mac? You may ask. Or mabye you say "Fuck off!" In that case, thanks for reading this far.But if it was the former question you asked I would reply "I am sad Gentle reader, because all of the Hobo's have gone."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" You might reply. "Are you on the drugs?" You would question. "This is a porn site, how can you be sad on a porn site?" And I awnser "SHUDDYP AND LET ME EXPLAIN!" See I work in Santa Monic Califorina. The homless captial of L.A. and prehaps Ohio. Everyday I see them. They are abusive, filthy, deseised ridden drug addicts who want to rape your dog for cash. (Note: Please don't ask me how that works) The Homless man of today has few morals. Just watch Bumgfights. Whilly nilly Vilonce and tommfoolery are what todays Homless are all about. I suppose they are just jumping on the "EXXXTREME!" bandwagon.

I have never lived in the "olden days". But when Jimmy the toothless prophet comes up and asks me for money by whiping shit on my pants, Goddamit I long for the days of the Boxcar hero. The lovable scamp. The Hobo. You see Hobo's wrere a diffrent breed of Jobless, Homless men. The used the railroad to seek adventure, and always had a loyal dog. Many Hobo's of the bygone yesteryear would roll into town, work a few days at the stables, use thier magical Hobo powers to cure Little Robbies polio, and then be spirited away by the train, leaving the town a better place. And leaving the poeple with a fondness in thier hearts for the Lovible flea-bitten "Patches".

Nowadays, I think "Patches" would be gang rapped by "Mamma Santoes" and the shopping cart gang. The Neo-Homless have no understanding of the past. For them its all about the "bling bling". I mean honestly, when is the last time you saw a Bum teach a group of children a magic trick? Thats fuckin right NEVER. Whens the last time you saw a streetwaker pack up all his worldly goods into a red kertichef and a pole? You can't even remember.

Even we see the diffrence. Would you ever dress your child up as a piss stained bum addicted to blow for howleen. Fuuuck no. But a worldy down on his luck Hobo. Absoultly

Would you ever go to a circus where the featured clown
is a crazy, mange ridden, criminal? Uh-huh. I'd rather see Red Skelton...A HOBO.

My dad used to work for travleoge. They owned Colney Kitchens. Thier mascott was the Loveable HOBO JOE. No one would EVER go to a restraunt where the mascot was known as Ornery, Scabied Filthy.

Plus Homless people nowadays do weird things that a respectible god fearing Hobo NEVER would have done.
I know for a fact that Homless EAT thier beloved dogs. Hobos need there magical companion to show them where the children are who fell down wells and such. Eating them is an INSANE idea to a Hobo. Also the current day Homless get involved in drugs. Well thats just awful. Yes, Hobos had there viceies, I admit. But having a bit too much to drink and a shitty cigar is nothing compaired to mainlinging herion through your testicles.

Also Hobos knew things they were inherently wise. If you rode a boixcar and it was a lucky Boxcar, with a Hobo inside, then you ALWAYS walked away with a magical pearl of Hobo wisdom that would carry you for the rest of your life. And on occasion, save it. The wisest think some homless guy ever told me was not to look at his Girraffe. He did not have a Girrafe, for the record.

I beleive strongly that it was thier wise ways and docile, loveable behavior that brought abot the Hobos down fall. Much like the Cro-magnon/Neandertal theory, I beleive that todays Modern riff-raff overtook the Hobos of yeateryear, and made us all but forget them. The current Homless killed off all the olde Hobos, drove them away, burned thier sad but thrifty Hobo shacks and ATE thier dogs. The gentle Hobo, even with his mirical Hobo magic, just could not withstand the tide of the cardboard leigons.

So, much like the elves in Lord of the rings, or the Tuhaha De Dannan of Irish Legand, the wise, gentle, unkempt Hobo could not fight the tide of darkness, and so they all one day boarded an obscure boxcar on a seldom used railway right outside Topeka, KS. On board, every Hobo had his shitty cigar, flask filled with corn whisky, Kertchief, and of course thier magical miricale companion dog, and dissipared in the lonly night, letting the Uber-bums at the earth.

And you know what. That makes me sad. Because with them they took there Hobo magic. Why do you think all those children are goin missing all the sudden?Because thier are no good natured Hobo's to find them. When the modern Homless people find a lost child, they sell it on the open Black market for ass-money. I know Gentle reader, it is a crule fate the Hobos have left us too....But take heart. Prehaps one day....When the world is suffering, and all the children are lost, and harmonica music just dosen't have the same zest....Well mabye, just mabye we will hear a train whistle, And know that , just down the rails a peice, a boxcars a commin. Commin with a cargo that will trod its hole worn shoes over this stricken earth, and bring back the magic whren it is our most dire hour of need. But until then, we can only dream of a hero, a saint, a slaker we once caleed "HOBO."

The end.


Macwhooowhooooooooo!