macabaret

um okay..so that's how it is.. can we say ouch?

i keep trying to remind myself it's better to feel pain than to have false friendships and relationships. but it doesn't make it hurt any less..

you know that pain in the back of your throat, the tight feeling, feels like someone just jabbing their thumb there, it's not a sharp pain, so not their nail, just pressure, aching, it's there when you're about to burts into tears, the pain starts when you try to keep them back.

i've had that feeling for the past few weeks. and ican't seem to shake it, but i can't seem to just let go and get rid of it either. is it a weakness to cry? or is it a weakness to hold it in until you make yourself sick?

the world is so gray. there's flashes of color every now and then.. but nothing that doesn't just end up fading, it's this mask they painted on. so eventually it all comes off.

i wish i could find some permanent color in this dull life.