it was cloudy this morning......
dearest Papa,
today the universe granted me the heignsight of beholding such an amazing human being I was not only lucky to know but blessed to have as my one true parent. The last five years I have given you grief for things that are beyond your control of repairing.. but my anger for that reality is directed at you - my parent - the one who told me that my life decisions were mine and mine alone. And, god damn it!, you were right all along.
Now in the early stages of my truly adult life I am able to finally, just recently, sit back and reflect on the young woman I am and what kind of woman I strive to be. Amazingly, all the good things from your partnership with [my stepmother] were received and I am now a distinguished member of the higher social element of the Los Angeles Media Industry. WTF? In a fancy way, I have manners and communication skills that are a reflection of her urging me to "think before I speak" - thus, the arguous task of grinding that simple concept into my head at a early age resulting in my ability to highly improve in those 30 seconds where I can not only communicate my idea or concept to another individual clearly but also elequantly. In short, it worked and I am adjusting to becoming a well mannered woman.. still a little rebellous though! Smile, that was ment to make you laugh. Anyway, that is just one of many things I am realizing were very positive for me.. seeing those things make me gain a larger perception of the whole picture... as you always told me I did see but did not know I did - or chose not to acknowledge it.
Actually, that is more accurate - I chose not to see it. Like the selective hearing I so often had growing up... so based on that, as you can see, I am becoming painfully aware of the errors in my interaction with the world and am beginning to apologize.
The distance I keep I am realizing is no longer healthy. As I am still maintaining that distance, I am now able to realize the error in myself and in my perception of the world around me. Now that I know, there are still many things I have to undo.. mainly in my character and interaction in the world everyday. It is like taking down the house I had for the last 23 years and, knowing now that I have a little experience from the first one, I can correct the weaknesses and continue the build on the strengths.
So today, on your birthday, I wish you so much love and affection and happiness - and sometime perhaps you can see it with your own eyes in your daughter. I now understand the light in your eyes, thank you for being always in the distance, making sure I was still bobbing on the horizon just outside of my view. I have always felt you there, always known. And though we have our differences, you are still my only father, my mapa, my Papa.
I love you.
~ your daughter
... but the sun came out once my eyes adjusted to the light.
dearest Papa,
today the universe granted me the heignsight of beholding such an amazing human being I was not only lucky to know but blessed to have as my one true parent. The last five years I have given you grief for things that are beyond your control of repairing.. but my anger for that reality is directed at you - my parent - the one who told me that my life decisions were mine and mine alone. And, god damn it!, you were right all along.
Now in the early stages of my truly adult life I am able to finally, just recently, sit back and reflect on the young woman I am and what kind of woman I strive to be. Amazingly, all the good things from your partnership with [my stepmother] were received and I am now a distinguished member of the higher social element of the Los Angeles Media Industry. WTF? In a fancy way, I have manners and communication skills that are a reflection of her urging me to "think before I speak" - thus, the arguous task of grinding that simple concept into my head at a early age resulting in my ability to highly improve in those 30 seconds where I can not only communicate my idea or concept to another individual clearly but also elequantly. In short, it worked and I am adjusting to becoming a well mannered woman.. still a little rebellous though! Smile, that was ment to make you laugh. Anyway, that is just one of many things I am realizing were very positive for me.. seeing those things make me gain a larger perception of the whole picture... as you always told me I did see but did not know I did - or chose not to acknowledge it.
Actually, that is more accurate - I chose not to see it. Like the selective hearing I so often had growing up... so based on that, as you can see, I am becoming painfully aware of the errors in my interaction with the world and am beginning to apologize.
The distance I keep I am realizing is no longer healthy. As I am still maintaining that distance, I am now able to realize the error in myself and in my perception of the world around me. Now that I know, there are still many things I have to undo.. mainly in my character and interaction in the world everyday. It is like taking down the house I had for the last 23 years and, knowing now that I have a little experience from the first one, I can correct the weaknesses and continue the build on the strengths.
So today, on your birthday, I wish you so much love and affection and happiness - and sometime perhaps you can see it with your own eyes in your daughter. I now understand the light in your eyes, thank you for being always in the distance, making sure I was still bobbing on the horizon just outside of my view. I have always felt you there, always known. And though we have our differences, you are still my only father, my mapa, my Papa.
I love you.
~ your daughter
... but the sun came out once my eyes adjusted to the light.
didn't I say? You can hear me every Sunday night on SG radio on indie103.fm, I do little London lifestyle and fashion presentations that are aired sometime in the 2nd hour of the show. Also the intro for the show is the result of my effort too!! All the shows will be archived on the site here.
kisses gorgeous
xxx