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m_bethany

damned lost angel from venice beach

Member Since 2004

Followers 219 Following 175

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Thursday Feb 17, 2005

Feb 17, 2005
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everytime I go there into his arms I feel like I am drifting below the surface of some greenish blue waves and I cannot breathe unless he is by my side to kiss whenever I like. there are moments where I just wanted to pull down his pants in the middle of our time and "blow" wink his mind, I wanted to so much but I never thought I could do it - really be that balls-y and just be out there in the open like all the girls behind me and probably in front of me.

I am bottled, fizzy water, and you are shaking me up
You are a fingernail, running down the chalkboard
I thought I left in third grade
Now my only, consolation, is that this could not last forever
Even though you're singing and thinking
How well you've got it made

Who are you?
When will you be through?

Yeah, it's just a phase... It will be over soon
Yeah, it's just a phase
Yeah, it's just a phase

Call it 'women's, intuition', but I think I'm on to something here
Temporaryism has been the black plague
And the Jesus of our age
I know that I sound opinionated, maybe biased
And quite possibly jaded
But sooner than later
They'll be throwing quarters at you on the stage

Who are you?
When will you be through?

Yeah, it's just a phase... it will be over soon
Yeah, it's just a PHASE, and I'm waiting for it to be overdue


so it was. and he did the best thing for me on v-day night when I was bring my NYC friend (how was your return flight anyway Javert?) to stay with him; the girl after me - the one I called my replacement - her car was sitting in his driveway and the house was dark. at one AM, I can only assume one thing since I declined dinner. and at this point, even if there were circumstances unknown to me, that was enough. I realize that I am never going to have the man I was in love with way back a year+ ago and I keep thinking he might still be there someplace in the new him. whatever I am tired of looking and I am tired of fighting for us. I deserve more than that... and the next few weeks are going to be difficult to not think about him - but life goes on...

so I went out on the first "I am no thinking about it" night last night with the bartender. yep, that was great. I got to listen to him talk to me and tell me stories (as he is 37 he has a few) and I told one or two but just listened to him for the night, escaped my mourning mind to kick it in his for a bit... and make out. this morning, when I get a nice wake up call by him and some sweetness, I came (that too) to the realization that I want to have a threesome with some hot chick that I like and I want the bartender to be the other part. now, I have been thinking about being with a girl again because I really REALLY like it - it is awesome, right guys/gals? the only wrench was I did not know why I was holding back. simply said, I did not have the right partner involved. and besides, the interaction with me and the bartender is (like I have said before) the most honest relationship I have ever had... and I really am okay with it. now I just need to start waxing again and I will be set.

so for now, with the thoughts of Gavin Rosedale from the XXX soundtrack (BTW- wtf with Ice Cube as the new XXX and then Vin Diesel in some Disney movie? explain that one, I am flabbergausted!), we have the following...

You don't even feel the pain.....

Too much is not enough
Nobody said this stuff,
makes any sense
We're hooked again
The point of no return
See how the buildings burn
Light up the night
Such a pretty sight

Sail through an empty night
It's only you and I,
who understand,
there is no plan
Get closer to the thrill
Only time can kill
It's in your eyes
It's so alive

Adrenaline, keeps me in the game
Adrenaline, you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than you wildest dreams
and you're going to the extremes
You taste adrenaline

Run through the speed of sound
Everything slows you down,
and all the colors that surround you,
bleed into one
you really need
Is just way to find the speed
and then you will achieve
Escape philosphy

Too much is not enough
Nobody gave it up
I'm not the kind to lay down and die


no I am not. never have been. FYI - the result of the letter I send on v-day to Prince Charming - we have dinner plans on saturday night and I am trying to convince him to head downtown for my friend Matt's party - if you want to go, click this link: DJ Wolfie Party. it is going to be the fo-shizzy! biggrin that way my main guy can finally meet some of the famous crew that I call my buddies! I just hope I can convince him.. I can be persuasive sometimes... miao!! .

"you won alright! you came in and you killed them and you took their land! that is what conquering nations do! that is what caeser did and you don't see him going around saying 'I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it'. the history of the world is not people making friends - you had better weapons and you massecured them. end of story."

that is right bitch! I feel you, I be knowing...

that is from BtVS, Spike says it. So wise, that character. anyway, Javert and I tore up the town v-day night at the Standard rooftop lounge in downtown LA until pretty late with my reded ex-roomie. they seemed to enjoy each other's company thus putting me at ease... yeah. with all the shit that went on lately (as it always does), he was so awesome to hang with and just chill. and dude, the advice - you are so right and you know (see beginning of entry). I love you man! I will be returning the visit hopefully whenever the money flow works out... so a year? wink

oh and hotcurry, your printer is here for you to pick up or I can bring your way if you like... kittybear dropped it this morning at mi casa in Silverlake. so let me know when you are getting it.

I am out like trout! time for a shower and a drive to the westside for some car wash action & maybe hook up with my buddy for some recreational supplies.

work continues and I am just awaiting checks... sucks.
~ the angel* ARRR!!!

I'm Captain Jack Sparrow bitch! blackeyed
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
latchbeam:
Incubus rocks!
Feb 18, 2005
sexyaleksey:
What kind of Gigs are you booking :| .. i didn't know u do gigs ... hehe ... dying to find out!
Feb 19, 2005

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