JOURNAL:
Monday, monday.
I was so excited, I was supposed to see ChrisChick last night in Ontario, like down the block from my place and, on my way to get gas, pick up some things for my stepdad, and smoking a bowl, my gum in the lower right side of my mouth started bleeding... and did not stop.
I got it to stop around 3 hours later, as I am sitting with a cotton round in my mouth while watching The Talented Mr. Ripley for the first time. I got to sleep at 12:45 am but the blood stopped flowing around 11 pm, but the cotton round stayed in the mouth until bedtime. I slept well.
This morning I got a call from a local dentist office that my stepdad used to go to. They set me up for a 2:40pm appt today and the lady asked me very curiously on the phone, "How did you get it to stop bleeding?" and she really wanted to know. Wow, how bad can this be?
So until then, I am cleaning up the house, looking into Unemployment since this will be the first and last time I will need it (and I am broke), my Express account wants $225 or else they are sending me to Collections (hmm,.. what do you think?), some other company keeps calling me with Caller ID blocked every half hour, and my friend Erin was supposed to be here earlier to clean my kitchen (paid her $60 in advance since I was going to pay someone anyway, she wanted to do it). Oh, and my DirecTV should be installed today - yeah! I just hope they can install on a tile roof and, yeah, appt between 8-12pm. Nice.
Oh, and right after this, Craig's List. Since I am home...
my hotmail box where all the applications for the jobs were supposed to go was full from Saturday afternoon til Sunday afternoon, a full 24 hours! I just hope no one replied to me and then got the "it's full" message and decided fuck it. All because my ex sent me some pics of me and him... it filled up the folder.
damn it.
Oh well, it is fixed now.
Dinner with the ex went something like "got you flowers - sort of" (which was a healthy eighth of chronic, how did he know?) then *kiss*kiss*kiss*, more kisses, a few drinks at the bar, ordered dinner - his mom and niece show up and I have had two drinks... I really composed myself - hung out with his niece who showed me pics from her Catalina trip that day on her new digital camera from Uncle [ex] and Grandma. Happy family, his mom caught him giving me a kiss on the way out and gave him a look,.. great. And I am sure she does not know what is going on. *that was sarcasm*
Then I left, that was it. He asked me to move in with him. He was serious. I told him I did not want the drugs around anymore.. we have to clean up and be serious, run a real house were there is normality so I can finish school. I even told him I could not pay rent, I had no idea when that was going to change. He sincerely already told the other one to go away.
I do not know. But I do know that Prince Charming brought up that he wants to play with the powder with me, since I am experienced, and my ex-wife (hottie model chick that used to live with me), just to have fun. He even got me to find it for us. Then I realized that I had argued with him a little when he brought it up, saying I did not want to be around it again, that I could not have it seem to be alright in my chosen ideal reality (aka includes my life with him) and he still wants to. I feel like that does not matter, but I also have not expressed how much I am opposed to being around it, esp. with my ex-wife. Everyone gets horny except me, I just want to do more lines, drink wine, and chill. I do not want to deal with Prince Charming and the ex-wife getting friendly while we are all loaded and telling them it is okay to screw around and hate it later (cuz I know I would just let it happen because they wanted it, and it would haunt me later). I do not know how comfortable I am with that, humm let me think.... Just with Prince Charmingthough for some reason. But I DO know it is different with my ex, I actually know for a fact I am the one he wants above all else. I can tell when he is around me or even on the phone, he is afraid I am going to leave or be plucked away by someone willing to step up.
:crickets chirping:
:wolf howls:
What the FUCK do I DO?!?!?!
You know what? Nevermind. Think I'm just happy.
Im not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But Im having fun
I think Im dumb
Or maybe just happy
Think Im just happy
"dumb", Nirvana
Fuck it, just waiting in DirecTV and looking for a job. Oh, and maybe I should pay attention to those teeth. Fuck. I do not have time for drama, you know? I am still debating over if I create it still... I know I do but still looking for the triggers....
so sorry I have not written to you all on your pages, thanks for coming to mine! I am going to make the proper rounds today, I promise.
Mahalo lovers,
~ the kelly angel*
"Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?
I ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it..."
Imagine me in some hot red number approaching a victim. Hot. I am really evil sometimes in my head.
I love it.
Monday, monday.
I was so excited, I was supposed to see ChrisChick last night in Ontario, like down the block from my place and, on my way to get gas, pick up some things for my stepdad, and smoking a bowl, my gum in the lower right side of my mouth started bleeding... and did not stop.
I got it to stop around 3 hours later, as I am sitting with a cotton round in my mouth while watching The Talented Mr. Ripley for the first time. I got to sleep at 12:45 am but the blood stopped flowing around 11 pm, but the cotton round stayed in the mouth until bedtime. I slept well.
This morning I got a call from a local dentist office that my stepdad used to go to. They set me up for a 2:40pm appt today and the lady asked me very curiously on the phone, "How did you get it to stop bleeding?" and she really wanted to know. Wow, how bad can this be?
So until then, I am cleaning up the house, looking into Unemployment since this will be the first and last time I will need it (and I am broke), my Express account wants $225 or else they are sending me to Collections (hmm,.. what do you think?), some other company keeps calling me with Caller ID blocked every half hour, and my friend Erin was supposed to be here earlier to clean my kitchen (paid her $60 in advance since I was going to pay someone anyway, she wanted to do it). Oh, and my DirecTV should be installed today - yeah! I just hope they can install on a tile roof and, yeah, appt between 8-12pm. Nice.
Oh, and right after this, Craig's List. Since I am home...
my hotmail box where all the applications for the jobs were supposed to go was full from Saturday afternoon til Sunday afternoon, a full 24 hours! I just hope no one replied to me and then got the "it's full" message and decided fuck it. All because my ex sent me some pics of me and him... it filled up the folder.
damn it.
Oh well, it is fixed now.
Dinner with the ex went something like "got you flowers - sort of" (which was a healthy eighth of chronic, how did he know?) then *kiss*kiss*kiss*, more kisses, a few drinks at the bar, ordered dinner - his mom and niece show up and I have had two drinks... I really composed myself - hung out with his niece who showed me pics from her Catalina trip that day on her new digital camera from Uncle [ex] and Grandma. Happy family, his mom caught him giving me a kiss on the way out and gave him a look,.. great. And I am sure she does not know what is going on. *that was sarcasm*
Then I left, that was it. He asked me to move in with him. He was serious. I told him I did not want the drugs around anymore.. we have to clean up and be serious, run a real house were there is normality so I can finish school. I even told him I could not pay rent, I had no idea when that was going to change. He sincerely already told the other one to go away.
I do not know. But I do know that Prince Charming brought up that he wants to play with the powder with me, since I am experienced, and my ex-wife (hottie model chick that used to live with me), just to have fun. He even got me to find it for us. Then I realized that I had argued with him a little when he brought it up, saying I did not want to be around it again, that I could not have it seem to be alright in my chosen ideal reality (aka includes my life with him) and he still wants to. I feel like that does not matter, but I also have not expressed how much I am opposed to being around it, esp. with my ex-wife. Everyone gets horny except me, I just want to do more lines, drink wine, and chill. I do not want to deal with Prince Charming and the ex-wife getting friendly while we are all loaded and telling them it is okay to screw around and hate it later (cuz I know I would just let it happen because they wanted it, and it would haunt me later). I do not know how comfortable I am with that, humm let me think.... Just with Prince Charmingthough for some reason. But I DO know it is different with my ex, I actually know for a fact I am the one he wants above all else. I can tell when he is around me or even on the phone, he is afraid I am going to leave or be plucked away by someone willing to step up.
:crickets chirping:
:wolf howls:
What the FUCK do I DO?!?!?!
You know what? Nevermind. Think I'm just happy.
Im not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But Im having fun
I think Im dumb
Or maybe just happy
Think Im just happy
"dumb", Nirvana
Fuck it, just waiting in DirecTV and looking for a job. Oh, and maybe I should pay attention to those teeth. Fuck. I do not have time for drama, you know? I am still debating over if I create it still... I know I do but still looking for the triggers....
so sorry I have not written to you all on your pages, thanks for coming to mine! I am going to make the proper rounds today, I promise.
Mahalo lovers,
~ the kelly angel*
"Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?
I ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it..."
Imagine me in some hot red number approaching a victim. Hot. I am really evil sometimes in my head.
I love it. VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
quivers orgasmically and falls out of chair