JOURNAL:
I feel the dark cloud moving in over my head again....
I feel uninspired... and a little disappointed in myself. Why? I partied this weekend... and I know better than to. Not because I am ashamed, but I just really do not totally enjoy it... and my ex had called me on the phone and made the comment that I sounded really fucked up but in a good way. What the fuck does that mean? Purely because of that and the fact that I found out on friday night that my current/old boss has been telling her daughter I have been partying again... when it is not true. I wanted to rebel, let go and say "FUCK YOU! I can party if I want to!" so I did, and had a threesome with my married couple friends (the husband and wife you read about sometimes) and, when it was all said and done, I sat on the couch coming down from the eightball and thought....
"what am I trying to prove? and to whom?"
I enjoyed it, I really did. but shouldn't I be able to do that sober or at least without that white powder? and why do I have to show everyone that they can fuck off like that? it does not accomplish anything. and that is why I am sad...
but I should perk up since I am going to see my Prince Charming today, he is letting me stay at his house for the few days I am working for the old company for that little paycheck that keeps me going... oh, and I did not pay for any of my habits this weekend, not even breakfast and shopping with the two of them on sunday... they joked with me about me being the girlfriend.... and all I can say is I cannot even think about it..
I feel like I am walking through the fog aimlessly and all I want to do it stop to see who passes me by and who remains. I have a feeling not many.
Oh, and the ex has not addressed the next step/encounter/etc if any, and it being unaddressed means it plagues me and he wins for a little while... but I can drown it out with more important things like a job...
flirted with the waitress at Olive Garden in Montclair last night... she is married and joked about me moving in with her and her guy since I told her I had just moved home from LA and was applying there.. so she told me to put her name on the application and she would tell her GM that she knows me from way back.. to help me get a job. and the flirting, I am confused. am I that striking? I have been getting my pick of the crop lately, guys and girls....
speaking of which, where is my ChrisChick? I owe her dinner and some worship, she needs to feel like the goddess she is... go tell her how hot she is on her page please. I love her whole as a package, and I would date her if I have the balls.... tee hee
funny joke.
Oh well, I will write again tomorrow. sorry for fewer updates, been off of the usual routines and away from my internet life involentarily... posted up my SG Burlesque pics in my new room though... Katie is so fucking hot... and so is her brother.... I just want one of them for a little while....
!
send me some loving... I need it.
OH - and advice on whatever you want...
~ the kelly angel*
SONG OF THE DAY: Crazytown - "Little Black Cloud", off of the album "Gift of Game", 1999
I feel the dark cloud moving in over my head again....
I feel uninspired... and a little disappointed in myself. Why? I partied this weekend... and I know better than to. Not because I am ashamed, but I just really do not totally enjoy it... and my ex had called me on the phone and made the comment that I sounded really fucked up but in a good way. What the fuck does that mean? Purely because of that and the fact that I found out on friday night that my current/old boss has been telling her daughter I have been partying again... when it is not true. I wanted to rebel, let go and say "FUCK YOU! I can party if I want to!" so I did, and had a threesome with my married couple friends (the husband and wife you read about sometimes) and, when it was all said and done, I sat on the couch coming down from the eightball and thought....
"what am I trying to prove? and to whom?"
I enjoyed it, I really did. but shouldn't I be able to do that sober or at least without that white powder? and why do I have to show everyone that they can fuck off like that? it does not accomplish anything. and that is why I am sad...
but I should perk up since I am going to see my Prince Charming today, he is letting me stay at his house for the few days I am working for the old company for that little paycheck that keeps me going... oh, and I did not pay for any of my habits this weekend, not even breakfast and shopping with the two of them on sunday... they joked with me about me being the girlfriend.... and all I can say is I cannot even think about it..
I feel like I am walking through the fog aimlessly and all I want to do it stop to see who passes me by and who remains. I have a feeling not many.
Oh, and the ex has not addressed the next step/encounter/etc if any, and it being unaddressed means it plagues me and he wins for a little while... but I can drown it out with more important things like a job...
flirted with the waitress at Olive Garden in Montclair last night... she is married and joked about me moving in with her and her guy since I told her I had just moved home from LA and was applying there.. so she told me to put her name on the application and she would tell her GM that she knows me from way back.. to help me get a job. and the flirting, I am confused. am I that striking? I have been getting my pick of the crop lately, guys and girls....
speaking of which, where is my ChrisChick? I owe her dinner and some worship, she needs to feel like the goddess she is... go tell her how hot she is on her page please. I love her whole as a package, and I would date her if I have the balls.... tee hee
funny joke.
Oh well, I will write again tomorrow. sorry for fewer updates, been off of the usual routines and away from my internet life involentarily... posted up my SG Burlesque pics in my new room though... Katie is so fucking hot... and so is her brother.... I just want one of them for a little while....
!
send me some loving... I need it.
OH - and advice on whatever you want...
~ the kelly angel*
SONG OF THE DAY: Crazytown - "Little Black Cloud", off of the album "Gift of Game", 1999
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
oh, and as for your advice to me: should i buy a new mini cooper or a used one? and should i shave my...ur, never mind that one...