JOURNAL:
So the visit to the shop went... well, depends on how you look at it. I think by the time I finish this entry, I might have digested it all well enough to make a conclusion for you all.... I hope anyway.
Obviously, as you all know, I am in the precarious existence of doing what I want when I want because I want it. I always have, that is why I have always cheated. Unfortunately with that comes corruption of innocents...., and I corrupted another good person last night.
From my last entry, you all might have a decent visual of the dynamic of my ex's relationship with my live-in replacement. I have had the opprotunity as it were to witness it. She is a harping wife who sits home with nothing to do but wait for his company. And it is in HIS house! So needless to say, he and I hanging out last night was unknown to her. Sadly, when I became aware of this, I knew I was done for.
Yes, I did something really bad.. and with that kind of karma I put out there, I cring to know the payback. Fucking Kismet.
I showed up at his shop last night before closing and, of course, I beat him to it. But his mother is there, and I love that woman - as she loves me, like she wanted my ex and I to get married. So we are chatting, she is happy to see me because she found out I moved... blah blah chat chat... she tries on my new heels (stelletto black heels, 3 in high, simple leather strap around high ankle & over toes. HOT!) and loves them... chat chat.... my ex walks in the door to meet me finally.
Now, of course I am wearing an amazing ensomble - light tanish grey v-neck cashmire baby-t, tailored bell skirt to my knees, the heels. I know most people do not care, but I was looking PHAT or FINE or whatevs.. so I just wanted to let you all know who care.
Since I am all spiffed out and we are going to drinks, he walks in with my favorite shirt on - and he KNOWS it. That was the first obvious one.
We close up, I get my prints and they are lovely, did a great job. Also got the pics from the SG Burlesque show... which I only had a few since there was no flash photography and I was trashed that night so the digital camera spend most of the time in the purse. Got some nice pics of Katie and Nixon with me and without, some of the band members I hung out with, and that is it. will try to post them soon. no promises though. Lovely work he did for me.
We bid everyone goodbye and decide to take my car. I inform him my dinner plans fell through so I am starving, we go to my favorite spot in SM called La Vecchia and do the dining. Cutting through the 2 hour conversations... he makes it very clear to me that he wants me still and he is willing to cross that boundry in his character to cheat on the new girl with me.
This is where the stomach gets queezy and the guilt already sets in... why? Because I knew then, sitting across from him in a crowded restaurant over wine and italian food, that I was not going to be able to resist if he tried. I was not ready yet,... but I am stubborn and I still wanted him... and I wanted to win.
Let me explain my fucked up perception of winning (SEGUE again), it is really simple. We break up, he gets new girl, I get thinner and back in shape/life together etc, he wants me, I get to have him. I walk away victorious.Now, most of the time I would be able to walk away and not care, just take joy in the victory. Not this time, not this way. It did not work like that.
I have always been the adulteress, always been the temptress, never been a substandard mistress.
I was a mistress last night. And it was as good if not better to be with him again considering our physical chemistry does not only spark but blazes...
I thought I would be in the clear. I thought I could make it into the car and drive him back to his. Upon attempting to open my car door, he kissed me. And that was end of our "friend" status.
NOTE: I have been recently informed that someone on this site knows my ex and I from when we were together. You know who you are, so please - PLEASE keep the details private. I just do not know how I am going to handle the aftermath - and it would cause more chaos than I can ever express for these details to get out to him or anyone remotely involved. Damn it, did not remember Venice is so small! So please, be a dear and just read and be entertained that you know the privy details of the drama that is my life intertwined with my ex. THANK YOU! But we should smoke a bowl sometimes,... remind me where I met you.
Anyway, we ended up having phenomenal relations in the same place I took my test shots for my SG set, a 4 story construction site in Marina del Rey. It was actually perfect, I could not have asked in to be more surreal. And to be together like that again also stirred up the old feelings I guess... esp. since I have become talented in the ways he was wishing for when we were together (the reasons why I did not give in during our relationship we discussed at dinner, lots of enuendo).
Long of the short? We went back to his place of business, looked at pics from the first time we went to the construction site and shot plus shots from the rest of the day... including hot ones of me smoking a bowl in my car in a skirt... HOT! And chatted. I apologized for corrupting him, he has never cheated in any of his relationships... and no matter how justified I think I am, I still violated that sanctity.... which makes me wonder....
If he is so quick to cheat, would he not hesitate to cheat on me now? Oh, yeah, he cannot get enough of me. He actually asked me to move in with him as soon as he gets his new girl out... but it was so heartlessly said... like so nonchalant, "I have you now so what do I need her for?". I know they have exchanged "I love you"s and I was unfortunate enough to see pics of recent that he has taken of her and with her. That is when a more concentrated guilt set in that has not let go since.....
How could I run a dream/love/happiness for someone? That is why I never wanted to be a Mistress... it was okay for me to cheat on my significant others, that was my choice. But to help someone else hurt a person I do not really know... no matter what my perception is, it grinds at my self-respect.
I cannot go back, I know that. Not with the way he is and the life he leads, the parties and people he knows, the drugs is what I cannot be around constantly... even though it is not him doing it but all his "friends" that show up to hang out are hard-core users and I know I cannot be around that for too long without relapsing. I have held on for a solid 2.5 months; I am not tripping up now.
In response to his invite to move in, after the almost expected look of surprise and "are you kidding me?", I told him to walk the walk. He needs to prove to me he has what it takes to make me happy with him.
What does the peanut gallery think?
So the visit to the shop went... well, depends on how you look at it. I think by the time I finish this entry, I might have digested it all well enough to make a conclusion for you all.... I hope anyway.
Obviously, as you all know, I am in the precarious existence of doing what I want when I want because I want it. I always have, that is why I have always cheated. Unfortunately with that comes corruption of innocents...., and I corrupted another good person last night.
From my last entry, you all might have a decent visual of the dynamic of my ex's relationship with my live-in replacement. I have had the opprotunity as it were to witness it. She is a harping wife who sits home with nothing to do but wait for his company. And it is in HIS house! So needless to say, he and I hanging out last night was unknown to her. Sadly, when I became aware of this, I knew I was done for.
Yes, I did something really bad.. and with that kind of karma I put out there, I cring to know the payback. Fucking Kismet.
I showed up at his shop last night before closing and, of course, I beat him to it. But his mother is there, and I love that woman - as she loves me, like she wanted my ex and I to get married. So we are chatting, she is happy to see me because she found out I moved... blah blah chat chat... she tries on my new heels (stelletto black heels, 3 in high, simple leather strap around high ankle & over toes. HOT!) and loves them... chat chat.... my ex walks in the door to meet me finally.
Now, of course I am wearing an amazing ensomble - light tanish grey v-neck cashmire baby-t, tailored bell skirt to my knees, the heels. I know most people do not care, but I was looking PHAT or FINE or whatevs.. so I just wanted to let you all know who care.
Since I am all spiffed out and we are going to drinks, he walks in with my favorite shirt on - and he KNOWS it. That was the first obvious one.
We close up, I get my prints and they are lovely, did a great job. Also got the pics from the SG Burlesque show... which I only had a few since there was no flash photography and I was trashed that night so the digital camera spend most of the time in the purse. Got some nice pics of Katie and Nixon with me and without, some of the band members I hung out with, and that is it. will try to post them soon. no promises though. Lovely work he did for me.
We bid everyone goodbye and decide to take my car. I inform him my dinner plans fell through so I am starving, we go to my favorite spot in SM called La Vecchia and do the dining. Cutting through the 2 hour conversations... he makes it very clear to me that he wants me still and he is willing to cross that boundry in his character to cheat on the new girl with me.
This is where the stomach gets queezy and the guilt already sets in... why? Because I knew then, sitting across from him in a crowded restaurant over wine and italian food, that I was not going to be able to resist if he tried. I was not ready yet,... but I am stubborn and I still wanted him... and I wanted to win.
Let me explain my fucked up perception of winning (SEGUE again), it is really simple. We break up, he gets new girl, I get thinner and back in shape/life together etc, he wants me, I get to have him. I walk away victorious.Now, most of the time I would be able to walk away and not care, just take joy in the victory. Not this time, not this way. It did not work like that.
I have always been the adulteress, always been the temptress, never been a substandard mistress.
I was a mistress last night. And it was as good if not better to be with him again considering our physical chemistry does not only spark but blazes...
I thought I would be in the clear. I thought I could make it into the car and drive him back to his. Upon attempting to open my car door, he kissed me. And that was end of our "friend" status.
NOTE: I have been recently informed that someone on this site knows my ex and I from when we were together. You know who you are, so please - PLEASE keep the details private. I just do not know how I am going to handle the aftermath - and it would cause more chaos than I can ever express for these details to get out to him or anyone remotely involved. Damn it, did not remember Venice is so small! So please, be a dear and just read and be entertained that you know the privy details of the drama that is my life intertwined with my ex. THANK YOU! But we should smoke a bowl sometimes,... remind me where I met you.
Anyway, we ended up having phenomenal relations in the same place I took my test shots for my SG set, a 4 story construction site in Marina del Rey. It was actually perfect, I could not have asked in to be more surreal. And to be together like that again also stirred up the old feelings I guess... esp. since I have become talented in the ways he was wishing for when we were together (the reasons why I did not give in during our relationship we discussed at dinner, lots of enuendo).
Long of the short? We went back to his place of business, looked at pics from the first time we went to the construction site and shot plus shots from the rest of the day... including hot ones of me smoking a bowl in my car in a skirt... HOT! And chatted. I apologized for corrupting him, he has never cheated in any of his relationships... and no matter how justified I think I am, I still violated that sanctity.... which makes me wonder....
If he is so quick to cheat, would he not hesitate to cheat on me now? Oh, yeah, he cannot get enough of me. He actually asked me to move in with him as soon as he gets his new girl out... but it was so heartlessly said... like so nonchalant, "I have you now so what do I need her for?". I know they have exchanged "I love you"s and I was unfortunate enough to see pics of recent that he has taken of her and with her. That is when a more concentrated guilt set in that has not let go since.....
How could I run a dream/love/happiness for someone? That is why I never wanted to be a Mistress... it was okay for me to cheat on my significant others, that was my choice. But to help someone else hurt a person I do not really know... no matter what my perception is, it grinds at my self-respect.
I cannot go back, I know that. Not with the way he is and the life he leads, the parties and people he knows, the drugs is what I cannot be around constantly... even though it is not him doing it but all his "friends" that show up to hang out are hard-core users and I know I cannot be around that for too long without relapsing. I have held on for a solid 2.5 months; I am not tripping up now.
In response to his invite to move in, after the almost expected look of surprise and "are you kidding me?", I told him to walk the walk. He needs to prove to me he has what it takes to make me happy with him.
What does the peanut gallery think?
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
dirtylilmonkey:
I agree with SluttyGoodGirl. That shit sux....And you are so sweet. Rock on baby!!!!! 
sluttygoodgirl:
This makes me sad. I think that you really don't want him, you just wanted to win. And think of being in that girls place. If he really wanted you, he should have cut things off with her first. Ah, but I know (FUCK, I know all too well), that things like this are never done with respect for the other person involved. He did it to her, there's no reason he won't do it to you. And then who won?
This makes me sad. I think that you really don't want him, you just wanted to win. And think of being in that girls place. If he really wanted you, he should have cut things off with her first. Ah, but I know (FUCK, I know all too well), that things like this are never done with respect for the other person involved. He did it to her, there's no reason he won't do it to you. And then who won?