m_bethany

JOURNAL:

So I had a number of things occur while I was without internet for the past five days.

I spent my last few hours in my apartment this morning from 3:30 in the morning when I finished moving all my crap. I slept for about 4 hours and then got up to take the frickin Uhaul back. That smarts let me tell you... and I balled in my living room area of my empty apartment all yesterday evening and for a half hour this morning. I am so sad.

Adventures in Moving... an extended but entertaining tale.
So I know a lot of you do not follow this journal as closely as, well, me - since it is MY life - so you might not have been aware that, due to financial and mental *nutcase* problems on my part, I elected to move from the lovely beach town in Venice to my high school resting ground (only lived there 2 yrs) in Upland, CA. I am officially moved into the 909 as of 2 am this morning.

I had a nightmare moving, and it is true - you learn who your friends are.

My buddy who had helped me out with my car and has helped me move before helped me again on saturday. I had no problem, I appreciated the help, but you know when someone does things for you that make your life easier and then they, like, EXPECT you to pay them back with your undivided attention and company? Well, I am not saying that it is not far and right - I always try to show people I appreciate when they help me out but I mean FUCK. He somehow finagled me into packing only his car (not mine as well), taking him to lunch which I expected, and then attempted to latch on to party plans I already had with friends he does not even know. Oh, and we only got one trip done. Wasted day.

So, since I was exhausted from moving [had to pack too bitches] all day and being mentally stressed, I did not attend my LBC party. So I cancelled on my buddy too (cuz he somehow got me to invite him and agree to him being a DD... I do not know how I get into these messes... it just happends) and then he comes up with the excuse to come by to "drop off" some stuff I left in the car. FINE. He comes by my FRIENDs place [who I am watching with a 5 month old puppy for], walks in, sits down, and stays. For an hour. I speak to him very little, and then in a final act of despiration, I smoke a bowl (cuz he does not like it done in front of him) and he asks what DVD I am putting on. So I retort since he is not going away; "um, does it matter? I did not know you were planning on staying. I am exhausted and do not have the energy to enterain." So he says "oh don't worry about it, I am just hanging out".

FUCK - now what? no more nice girl.. it sucks, and I am an unfeeling prick..at 10:45 pm on a saturday night.
"I did not invite you to hang out, I am tired and was planning on having the evening to myself... sorry".
Silence, Exit. End Scene.

THANKFULLY - he got up and left. Now, I feel bad, he helped me with my brakes earlier this week, we hung out ALL DAY saturday when I should have been moving a ton of my shit (so wasted precious moving time - a lot of it), and then expects to hang out just because.... I was so passing out the whole hour too. I just hate having to be like that - but some people just do not get it.

He is also the one guy I finally had to tell him after YEARS of subtile hints that I was not interested, would not be, and was JUST A FRIEND who likes to go to the junk yard and hang out here and there. I really hate being a dick.

So the rest of the weekend consisted of me driving from San Bernidino to LA and back a number of times in a car that needs more attention, tires that need to be changed, and a emptying bank account berely covering gas. How did it get this depressing so fast?

My girlfriend from there drive back from San Diego sunday night to LA instead of home to help me move the big shit into the Uhaul Monday morning. So me and this 5'2" little girl are moving a couch, a queen bed, and assorted chairs, tables, etc into this hunk of metal called a truck. Yeah, I have no friends but her.

WORSHIP THE ERIN FOR ALL HER MAJESTY AND GLORY!!

There, my homage to my hero. The best part is one of my couple friends I have bent over backwards for in the past when my last bf lived in the 909 flaked this weekend on helping me out. I was not even supposed to rent a truck, he has a longbed and was going to do a few trips... but the excuses just came with every phone call. I saw them last night 2 hours after they were scheduled to meet me at my new house to unload the monster truck-load last night... they showed up at 11 pm while I was refueling and leaving town. Fucking people - I am going to work on my personal flaking skills just because of this experience.

Dropped off the ex's stuff. He was tired... so I had to not only drive to his house but drop it off with his new girlie-pie (and you all remember she has been disregarding my presence previously). After barking at me through the door for knocking, she lets me in and looks releaved. Fine, I can play nice. We chat and she starts telling me things are not going well with Chris [why? I have no idea - poor girl], that people are stopping by constantly and she just wants to kick it in a house alone without the bother. I faced her with as innnocent and sincere a look as I could and said, "Yeah, I know - welcome to what used to be MY nightmare" and smiled. She smiled sheepishly back, and we parted on good terms. Sucks for her but that used to be my job, thank gawd not anymore.

It still does not stop the empty hole in my stomach that wishes he gave a shit that I am leaving town. I have been repeatedly disappointed this last weekend, that was one I did not need. And it still hurts.

I did leave him his CD. It is as finished as it will be, and I feel it is one of my better compilations. Let me know if you want a copy, we can work it out.

1. A Perfect Circle - "Three Libras"
2. Radiohead - "Talk Show Host"
3. Rammstein - "Du Hast" (he speaks fluent German, look up the translation)
4. Avril Lavigne - "Loosing My Grip"
5. The Urge - "Jump Right In" (St. Louis Locals)
6. Sum 41 - "In Too Deep"
7. Eve - "No No No"
8. Evanscence - "Going Under"
9. Stone Temple Piolets - "Big Empty"
10. Limp Bizkit - "Let Me Down"
11. American Hi-Fi - "The Art of Loosing"
12. Fiona Apple - "Love Ridden" *
13. For Love Not Lisa - "Slip Slide Melting"
14. Coldplay - "Shiver"
15. Audioslave - "I am the Highway"
16. Medicine - "Time Baby III"
17. Poe - "Walk the Walk"

*I can do a kick @$$ accopella with this one. I love her, and it was MORE than appropriate. As all the tracks are.

So yeah, that was my closure. As much as I can muster anyway. I am sorry it is so long and, if you got this far, you might as well tell me what you think.

I am working the last few days in Malibu this week, get oral surgery on friday at 9am [yeah. great.], and try to hold off creditors - any ideas? Oh yeah, found out Monday in the midst of moving and being frustrated [I cried at the news.. yeah, stressed] that I have Perdio Disease in my mouth, a 6mm inflamation of the gums. Basically, hard core plaque build up that required them to open up my gums to clean out between my teeth to fix the problem... and I caused it, I know I did.
Damn Drugs.
So yeah, been sucky but my step-dad is glad to have me now.

I am staying in Brentwood during this week at Prince Charming's digs, not too bad. He is not doing great and he seems distant from me. He does, however, have technically a brain tumor so I am thinking he gets the benefit of the doubt. They think he might need the surgery - I know in that odd cosmic way he will, but I do not know the outcome - and it is scary. I do not want to loose him and there are higher risks in surgery than people realize, especially brain surgery.

Might leave this for a few days when I have a lot more to say.... ha ha. Like it could get worse..

I miss being online! I am dork and proud.

Mahalo people, leave me notes again! Muah!
~ the angel*

PS - Corvette and his buddy took off on sunday and called me yesterday. If you guys are around, good luck and let me know if you need a ride to the plane at LAX. And yes, I would love to try and catch a show if I can - not likely, but still ask I guess. Had such a blast with you guys out here, thanks for spending the last days in Venice with me.