Hey Kids! Here's a couple of jokes for ya:
Joke #1 for my American friends:
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as
the
President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Joke #2 for my Canadian friends:
A Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when
this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop from Korea."
Well, the Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor.
"That's a judo chop from Japan"
The Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the
burly American sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.
The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, eh, tell him that was a fuckin' crowbar from Canadian Tire."
Now that shit is funny!
Joke #1 for my American friends:
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as
the
President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Joke #2 for my Canadian friends:
A Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when
this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop from Korea."
Well, the Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor.
"That's a judo chop from Japan"
The Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the
burly American sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.
The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, eh, tell him that was a fuckin' crowbar from Canadian Tire."
Now that shit is funny!
i guess i'm not canadian enough for joke #2. but #1 sure amused me. since we're on the subject of foreigners and bars:
an englishman, a scottsman, and an irishman are sitting in a bar. they each order a beer. the englishman goes to take a sip and finds a fly floating in his drink. he shoves the glass away and asks the bartender for another. oddly enough, the scottsman finds a fly in his beer too. so he reaches in and plucks it out with his fingers, then takes a long, hearty swig. well now of course there's a big fat black fly floating in the irishman's drink as well, and he starts to turn all red and puff up, and he yanks the fly out of the glass, holds it up to his face and yells "Give me back my beer!"
nice jokes. Canadian Tire! I'll Start With You