So.. due to some stuff I'll have to spend pages explaining later.. like when I can use a keyboard... And haven't slept (I've been at work for 23 hours) and there's the major snowstorm going on outside..
I spent some part of my shift, as I can't explain how this keeps happening, talking to the boyfriends of my friends.
It happened that both essentially confirmed that their girls were sending nudes out like flyers at a political rally.
Probably doesn't matter if that's an accurate analogy and I'm honestly not judging but.. one asked me why.
I'm like kid. I don't know why. Some girls just need the validation. Both of them have had a seriously rough time and I'd have to assume the escapism and any attention you get from men online can be intoxicating.
It's why I suppose I'm drawn to that protective role for them.
But there's only so far that you can trust online people especially the ones that want to protect you.
Before even meeting them both though I already had gone through twitch.tv and a few more episodes on bigo which made me not want any more drama. Like I put in my bio that they should not make me an admin or moderator, but they do anyway.
But I can't help it. When I'm pulled into the gravity of certain people and end up orbiting and motoring then obsessively.. it's hard to rationalize trust.
It got rough.. but that doesn't much matter to me.
I couldn't explain it to them but like I said, it keeps happening that I end up talking to the boyfriends.
They both also trust me because they know I'm protective of my friends.
Whatever they might be or are going through I'm there for them. Which makes it just hard to detach during the rough patches when they decide they don't want to be protected or judged or whatever.
One of them I was trying to get to understand that he needs to move on. I'm glad he eventually figured it out. That's hard to do when I don't give a fuck spoiled in the sun about him. But I did support the crazy relationship he wanted to have with her... And from what I learned last night.. I didn't even know a fraction of the craziness she avoided. The gist of which was an exact reverse of that girl from Saudi fleeing to Canada.
The other (bf).. I also don't care about but because he's a good bf.. I support his relationship with my friend.
She got herself hospitalized and it wasn't looking good at all for her.
Another aside for context.. the only males I have on Snapchat are a boy that was trying to get with her when we are met at the same time on her Livestream. He's blocked from her life now, as was I a couple of times, but for whatever reason I added him. He mentions her now and then. The other is her current bf. He's her first. He claims that she's also his.
Here's the problem. Right up front we're both like.. I'm not sure what I can tell you because I legit don't know who you are. He's even like don't you wanna meet her in person, having known her so long? Which is an irritatingly constant question which no matter how often I deny it, no, I don't need to meet her in person. I don't need anything from her besides friendship. So I'm like I guess, maybe some day, but that's not how I operate.
But he knows that she considers me like a father figure to her. Which was endearing to hear...
And I'm like on the other hand I know too much about her so she probably doesn't want me talking to you (lest I contaminate his mind). I don't see the point in holding anything back from him.
The fact that we both know who she is by what she has done in the past, doesn't matter. She's everything to us.
And frankly I know she could be much more than she is but she's being held back. Crushed.
Even after all the rough shit.. she's still very important to me. But I'm like..
Wait
Why did I spend 3 to 4 hours convincing one of them to move on with his life.
And the other that he needs to spend his life being there for our mutual friend.
It felt like having the same verbatim conversation in parallel to the male halves of two couples I should have nothing at all to do with. But end up feeling like a father figure to both girls (who have their own damned fathers).
Literally felt like the twilight zone.