lysondra

So, I dont know what brought it up maybe my mixed thoughts on things at the moment, but something compelled me to tell drew how i really felt on the steven situation, and...then i started trying to explain it and realised i had no idea. I have no idea what im talking about, or feeling for that matter. It just kinda came out in contridicting rambles. I guess because hes always a new person, so im going to write to sort because thats what i do. I hate who he was the last few weeks. I really like who he was at one point, and on occasion still is. What i cant sort is was he ever that great person i had him in my head to be? Or really was it just that he on ocassion would say a few nice things that impressed me way to much..was it just much to high of a petasal to put him on? Or, the person he is now...is that just him going through really hard times? If wasnt so angry at him at the moment i might ask him, but that would prove pointless. So i decided i hate who he is now for making me shove him out of the way entirely, including who he use to be, how logical is that? ha.
So as some...ok maybe one one of you knew i was secretly hanging out with drew, not dating or anything, but we both figured steven would freak so it be best that we keep it kinda underwraps. It feels really great not having to sneak around though. Luckily steven didnt freak out, i didnt give a fuck but drew doesnt need the drama.
Drew is fun to hang out with. We actually had a bunch of fun today, except girls showed up at the end, so of course i freaked. Its what i do. As for my job...im going to go make index cards because im a little obcessive. just..a little.