There's an interesting thing about love. It's addictive, and I say that meaning all of the negative connotations of the word. I think that, for the vast majority of people, love creates a dependence and an inability to imagine life without love that is incredibly harmful. I bring this up because, just recently I decided that I was the happiest with my SO that I've ever been simply because I knew that I would be happy without him. This seems so backwards to so many people that I know and I set about to understand what I was trying to say and also to get a sense of how that was different from what I had felt before and also what I hear other people experiencing. This was my conclusion: I am able to make a conscious choice, unhindered by dependence, every day to be with him. I can say that I enjoy every aspect of my day that involves him and every aspect of my day that does not. I can enjoy the thought of our trip to europe this summer and I know that if something comes up and he cannot go, I still will and I will be happy doing so.
One of my dear friends is in an abusive relationship and everyone but her can see that he will become violent. And she wants to rush home immediately to patch things up with him rather than spend five days with the two girls she's known as sisters since birth but hasn't seen in over two years. Pathological dependence.
Another friend and I are on the rocks right now because of the fact that I lived with her for six months and she basically refused to spend time with me. She made the choice (a false choice, as none is required) to be with her boyfriend rather than me and she made that choice every day. It got to the point where I broke the lease we'd signed together because being around her made me so unhappy and although I tried to talk to her about how her choices were affecting our friendship, she continued to consiously sabatoge our friendship because she believed that was what was required of the Relationship she was in. Pathological dependence.
I'm tired of this kind of behavior and I don't know how to maintain friendships that I have cherished for so long while the other parties in the friendship continue to assume that they are significantly less important than the Relationships they're in.
One of my dear friends is in an abusive relationship and everyone but her can see that he will become violent. And she wants to rush home immediately to patch things up with him rather than spend five days with the two girls she's known as sisters since birth but hasn't seen in over two years. Pathological dependence.
Another friend and I are on the rocks right now because of the fact that I lived with her for six months and she basically refused to spend time with me. She made the choice (a false choice, as none is required) to be with her boyfriend rather than me and she made that choice every day. It got to the point where I broke the lease we'd signed together because being around her made me so unhappy and although I tried to talk to her about how her choices were affecting our friendship, she continued to consiously sabatoge our friendship because she believed that was what was required of the Relationship she was in. Pathological dependence.
I'm tired of this kind of behavior and I don't know how to maintain friendships that I have cherished for so long while the other parties in the friendship continue to assume that they are significantly less important than the Relationships they're in.
dr_lizardo:
Unfortunately If I were to evaluate myself honestly I would have to say that I am the sort who becomes pathologically dependent. If you have low self esteem you tend to stay in bad relationships because you don't think you could ever get another one if you lost the one you're in. So bravo, it's good that you're self-posessed enough that your SO relationship is like it is.