lyris

It's finally getting kind of cold. Today I woke up and the sky was gray. It makes me sad, but it's a resigned sort of sad. It had to happen eventually. Some day when I'm a successful artist, I'll have two homes so that I can always live where it's summer time.

I've been trying to do more art lately, but I get frustrated with myself so easily. Things don't look perfect and then I get mad. I have a hard time controlling the feel of my brush stroke, which is a really minor thing to get crazy about, but I feel like I should be able to control everything. When I was taking creative writing classes in school, the guy who wrote Angelhead came and spoke and did a question and answer thing with a hand full of people before hand. I went because I loved the book and thought the writing was magnificent. He talks a lot, but whatever. I asked him if he thought that voice was something you find or something you control. It was a question half about my writing and half about my "style" in art, which I have a sort of phobia of finding. I want to be able to do everything, which is such a silly, juvenile thing to say, but it's true. I'm a bit of a control freak.


In other news, sometimes people get in car accidents when they're really far away and there's nothing you can do and they're totally fine but it makes you feel even farther away.


Additionally, sometimes I think things of mine belong in the living room. Sometimes they're pretty boxes that have no place in my room and would be used in the living room and sometimes it bothers me to find everything suddenly in a pile on my floor because it's not like I have room for it and this is my house too. And sometimes I'm cranky for no apparent reason, but I take it out on little things.