lylee

fingers crossed tonight works out. i am counting on him to make the effort..i really am..

if he doesnt then i guess i really am not an important person to him/ i'll be like that princess waiting for her prince..but he doesnt show up

it hurts because i love him so much but hes shutting me out of his life and i dont know why. he said his son and cancer are his life..but at one point he said he wanted to marry me..i dont get it

i have a feeling he doesnt like me anymore. he wont even talk to me on the phone, just txt..when its convenient for him. i've been fighting so hard for this because i care so much..im thinking i should let go.

im seriously having everything rid on tonight...

i wish he would just tell me whats going on. we need communication..

i wish he knew how much he was hurting me by ignoring me and pushing me away...
he said he doesnt know if he can see me cuz he cant resist me. he said he has to let go before he gets too dependant on me..is that just a lie? is he seeing someone else? he said no..but idunno. i'm alone here in the dark and have no idea whats going on

everything was SO great when we first started out. hes txt me in the morning, he'd call me. he was happy to talk to me. now i just feel he hates me

he's been hurt before..i havent done anything to hurt him. i've never loved someone so much or been so dedicated..why would he want to get rid of me?

im tired and my back is killing me...

[edit]
im going to use my blog a lot lately. i have so much going on in my head and dont know how to deal with it. i dont really have any girl friends, just guys. and ya they're good to hang out with when i wanna play video games or figure out what i should get my bf (if i haveone) for a present...but yeah. also my stomach hurts SO bad. my friend at work thinks its stress. ugh