I'm sooo fucking tired and depressed, no matter what i do i can't seem to get things straight in my life. The struggles continually get harder and harder, seems however hard i put my head down and strive to get and be more, something in life seems to keep forcing me back. My love life has been destroyed, sex life is non existent..and then my work life has gotten more difficult for whatever reason. Why can't I seem to be able to pull things together and move forward?
The divorce has decimated my self confidence and to make matters worst, i haven't the heart to put my ex out on the streets..no matter how bad things were..i owe her at least a roof over her head till she stabilzes her work situation., but the seeing each other everyday, the interaction is killing me inside..sigh..but this is all part of a bigger picture so i guess i just have to deal with it for now.
I'm scared to death of trying again, i know about the needing time to recover from things has to happen and i have accepted that part of it..doesn't me i'm not allowed to long for such things. to be able to feel another person , touch them, worship them..i miss those things..i miss the emotional attachment, i feel empty inside.
Fuck i hate writing this depressing ass shit.. i really do , but this is a outlet and i'm hoping that it makes me feel better in the end hell i don't know what else to do. My days consist of work and coming home sitting alone for hours and going to bed. I've tried to do the things i love, but end up just sitting there. I pick up my pencil to draw and just look at a blank paper..a empty world for me that needs to be filled.and afetr some time i just put everything away, and that new world stays empty. I try and write and once more rather then a flowing of words, i just sit here and look at the blank screen. More emptiness when there should be life flowing from me.
Wow i've never written a post this long and now i'm feeling bad about making you sit here and read through my dramatic bullshit..lol..So my life goes on..3 steps forward five steps back, no one wants a 40 year old vampire
..wow maybe i should pitch that as a movie,...lol....So here i sit just typing my life to those who want to read it...Life is cruel.. but i'll show it I can be crueler.
The divorce has decimated my self confidence and to make matters worst, i haven't the heart to put my ex out on the streets..no matter how bad things were..i owe her at least a roof over her head till she stabilzes her work situation., but the seeing each other everyday, the interaction is killing me inside..sigh..but this is all part of a bigger picture so i guess i just have to deal with it for now.
I'm scared to death of trying again, i know about the needing time to recover from things has to happen and i have accepted that part of it..doesn't me i'm not allowed to long for such things. to be able to feel another person , touch them, worship them..i miss those things..i miss the emotional attachment, i feel empty inside.
Fuck i hate writing this depressing ass shit.. i really do , but this is a outlet and i'm hoping that it makes me feel better in the end hell i don't know what else to do. My days consist of work and coming home sitting alone for hours and going to bed. I've tried to do the things i love, but end up just sitting there. I pick up my pencil to draw and just look at a blank paper..a empty world for me that needs to be filled.and afetr some time i just put everything away, and that new world stays empty. I try and write and once more rather then a flowing of words, i just sit here and look at the blank screen. More emptiness when there should be life flowing from me.
Wow i've never written a post this long and now i'm feeling bad about making you sit here and read through my dramatic bullshit..lol..So my life goes on..3 steps forward five steps back, no one wants a 40 year old vampire
..wow maybe i should pitch that as a movie,...lol....So here i sit just typing my life to those who want to read it...Life is cruel.. but i'll show it I can be crueler.