luz

I'm writing a mixture of things and fiction.


I still dream about this guy sometimes. I only knew him for a few nights. He was in a traveling band. The first night, Im at a show, and he comes up to me and puts a flyer in my hand. Doesnt say anything, just hands me the flyer and walks away. Later, about fifteen minutes later, he comes back up to me and he leans over right next to my face and he says, he says, Would you like to come have a drink with me? and I look him right straight in his eyes and I says, Yes and he turns around and starts walking away, a real skinny guy, like you, but tall, black hair, and so I follow him and we get in a white van with a guy from his band and a girl. They drop us off at a hotel and I follow him inside and I tell him, I dont just do any boy that I meet, and he says, No, were going to have a drink. We get to his room and all he has is a bottle of vodka and he says, were gonna drink straight from this bottle, and I ask if hes got some soda or something and he fixes me a drink but he does like he says, he drinks from the bottle. I ask him if hes got any weed and he says he doesnt have any drugs if thats what Im looking for. Im mad and I say what are you looking for, a quick dick suck? and he says no, all I wanted was a kiss, and I say, Ill kiss you on the lips but dont put your tongue in my mouth, and I do, and he doesnt, and then we go back to the show and I spend the whole night avoiding him.

Next night I go to his show, the one from the flyer, and when he sees me in the crowd he smiles, hes the only person I can say I really ever seen their face light up. After he plays, he finds me, and he barely talks all night and I tell him, tell me a good story, and he tells me, look, Im not going to jump through hoops for you. Then he tells me that his cousin was a featured victim on the first episode of Americas Most Wanted. Were kissing against walls, hes holding my hand, he says Im just a lonely boy and he writes his hotel room number on my hand. I didnt see him anymore that night because his band got into a fight with another band or something.

The last night, I see him at the show and I ask him how long hes been there and hes says, all day, calls me fashionably late. I say, what happened to you last time, and he just starts spilling his guts about everything. He talks and talks, he talks about his ex-girlfriend and he says, this girl can make my life a living hell, and I tell him my feet hurt, and he says, maybe you should be horizontal, which I dont laugh at, and he says, that was a flirtation, but I guess its no good and I say, I guess its okay. He tells me, You got me following you around this place every time could you just say something nice to me? so later on, he leaves for a little while and when he comes back I say, It was lonely here without youhe smiles again, that same lit-up lookand I say, Im hungry, and he tells me hes got food in the room. We go to the room and I tell him I dont do strange boys. He has some old pizza and I eat a piece and he sits on the other bed across from me. His shaggy black hair all hanging in his face. I tell him it would be more fun if you sat over here, and he says, you want me to sit over there? and I lie down and I wait. He comes behind me and we start kissing, I pull away and look at him, us both laying on our sides, facing each other, and he says, youll only know me for these few nights, dont look at me like Im a stranger. I tell him, But you are a stranger, and he says he doesnt feel that way, not at all. We kiss and he takes my shirt off and he says I think maybe I shouldI think maybe I should then he goes down on me until I come and afterwards, we roll to the floor and Im naked and hes fully clothed and Im on top of him and I whisper in his ear wanna fuck? and he says, of course I want to fuck and I say Lets fuck and he says, no, you wouldnt want to fuck a guy like me and, well, in the end, I didnt do a strange boy that night. We walked back to the show and he disappeared into a cab after someone yelled at him. I called his hotel room drunk later and gave him my address and he said Im coming but he never showed up and I didnt leave a light on and still I worry thats why he never came, maybe he did show up and he thought I wasnt waiting. He never knocked and I dont guess Ill ever see him again.

I still dream about this guy sometimes and when I do hes got that lit-up look, and even with the life I've got, and even though i don't really mean it, sometimes when I dream that lit-up look I think Im just going go out there and find him.

love.luz.