luxdivon

census is hiring at $14.50 an hour, and its a pretty lax job..I mean, you have to do alot of phone work from home...but damn, it's from home! Sorry the new gig is sucking so hard!

Having a job sucks...no doubt about it.
It is amazing how liberating not being employed can be.
For me, being unemployed is a HUGE confidence builder.
Having to be subordinate to the obviously inferior and having to be trapped with a bunch of pathetic morons can really bring a person down. Being subjected to their petty concerns and their pathetic lives is enough to make one ill.
I agree with you...being a consumer and a capitalist sucks.
But it can be overcome if you remain true to yourself, even if that does mean occasionally giving in to the necessities of living in such an enviroment.
You should be heralded for being who you are. It is difficult for some people to accept someone who is not a carbon copy of some disgusting, typical norm.
I like you.

you and me both.

You have nooooooo idea how much it sucked, and I have the farmers tan to prove it, but hey I'll come in sometime and order a coffee or whatever just to bug you

thanks for the chat==hope I'm not on your hypocrite/shit list.

dayam, there's life without the internet?
i take my cell phone when i go camping , just for a quick fix....now thats sick!

being a tease eh

your "Gets Me Hot" list is so tenderly evocative. It gets me hot, too.

good to see you back safe and sound...hope things are good for you

welcome home

hey, i have those in black if you would like to try them out.

so is this a hint to have some nice gentleman get you some of these...

Thanks I try my best to entertain..

so sorry about your grandmother.

I'm so sorry to hear that! I had a similar circumstance with my dad's mom when she died. Hope you get to feeling more like yourself and the summer gets happier for you

I am sorry to hear about that I felt the same way when my dads father died so I feel what you are saying. I will keep you guys in my thoughts.

The notion of loyalty is an inherently historical one. You have to look back to see loyalty. It's a pattern of events, a pattern of behavior. And "betrayal" is a deviation from the expectation created by a pattern seen in the past.

As human beings, we *love* these concepts, because our mental processes are so attuned to observing and recognizing patterns.

But ultimately, being "loyal" is not the same as being true to oneself - which you alluded to when you mentioned "choice at any given moment". The notion of loyalty only pulls you out of the present, out of mindfulness and into the distractions of the past.

Patterns can be misleading. Suppose a river runs for 100 miles, straight to the sea, but just as it approaches the delta, a sharp bend turns it away from the coast for a mile before it finally empties into the sea. The current isn't "disloyal" to the path to the sea; at any given moment, it goes where it must go.

To me, commitment is more important than loyalty. I don't mean commitment like a promise (which just looks ahead like loyalty looks back - science fiction instead of history), but total commitment to your own actions in the present, and the principles that guide them. Acting from your core as a dancer moves from her center.

The book you're reading now has an excellent recommendation for this dilemma:

Be melting snow.
Wash yourself of yourself.

You wash yourself of your past, of habits and regrets, and you act in the moment. Be melting snow. Be continually new.

-ff


[Edited on Jun 23, 2005 12:05PM]

Does loyalty really strip us of choice? If you are loyal at one point does it dictate eternal loyalty? Are we bound to immortalizing our past because of its existence? Damnit, now you've made me think...my head might just spontaneously combust. Love your writing today, raises many questions in my own mind about my path in life. Thank you Hope your move goes well, if there's anyhting you need, don't hesitate to ask.

get well ......... for yourself....... i've almost left the world 3 times i can kinda sorta relate.....