luxdivon

confessional:

here it is.

i'm a flake.
i'm a tourist.
i dont know who i am, what i want, or how to let myself be either of those things.

(madkitten - i did write that last eloquently tragic rant)

does anyone have those moments of - - what the fuck am i going to do with myself? five million different paths, and i cant even seem to choose what i want to do tommorow, let alone for the next ten-twenty years.
music? design? be a corporte whore and pay off my bills? stay a barrista, or become a waitress? to what end? would i really get my shit together? stay in austin? move ack to nyc? or some other new place to do design? but i dont want to do that. but i'm too chicken shit to get my own act together. i just dont know what to do with myself.

and its scary when you can look in the mirror and say to the girl looking back, she's pretty. but i dont feel pretty. i feel ugly.

work has been absolute hell. and my boss - the devil, but the devil as a toddler. yea. i'm not even joking either


These are the words to one of my songs

There's something bout the villian in me
that makes me want to be by your side
something bout that tension baby, when i look into your eyes
there's something bout the villian in me, has a smile drawn cross my face,
as i look at you sweetly knowing well, there's a wall to face
and if you want to tell me sweetly, that you think i should be yours,
you've got to fight the villian in me, i've got to fight the villian in yours
and there's a game that we're playing
and we've got till the end of the night
and then the villian in me, wants to keep you tension-tied.

Please help me to decide if i'd rather play this game
or if i want you to break down the wall i face
but if that's the case you have a lot to unlace
and if i break than you will see, the villian in me,
than you will see, the villian, the villian in me

there's somethin bout giving you what you want
at least not today
something to deny that selfish rage
that bellows in me to stay for more
even though i'm getting no where no more
shows me what its like to be a villian
to not be willing
to feel like

please help me to decide
if i'd rather play this game
or if i want you to break down the wall i face
but if that's the case you have a lot to unlace
and if i break than you will see
the villian in me
than you will see,
the villian, the villan in me.