luxdivon

it wasn't too long was it? i'm happy its come so soon. some days i tell you, it felt like starvation. there are worse things than starving. but not many. i never realize that i write so much more proficiently when in front of a screen. in front of an audience. i am there and all the sudden the thoughts flow freely, as i return to my muse, my nemesis, my apparent addiction, i imagine my melodrama is due to the french subtitled movie, dramatic, and fucked up, and yea we just got up and left because it had been hours, but it felt like days since it had started. you can thank a friend of mine. the one that took those piano pictures. where i look all beautiful and shit. i guess you could say its to tide me over. i never realized how good chicken terriyaki was cold. damn is it good. god this is so nice. its ironic that the only time you can truly appreciate something is after you've lost it. and once in awhile you'd be so lucky as to get it back. i crave playing piano like water. it was almost a toss up tonight to go play my keys for free i get to play a 15 minutes slot or get a computer back tonight. i've felt more alive the last three weeks, than i have in months. it's the thing about masochism. the more suffering, the more your roots grow deep. and your blossoms grow. do you wish for comfort? or do you wish for strife? do you wish for security? or do you sacrafice for what really means shit to you? maybe its a sacrafice everyday, and you're just deciding the poison. you say honey, what do u sell your hour for? just remember, we're all selling our hours for something. it all really becomes relative when you're looking at it that way. just thought for food. or whatever's going for these days. (oh my my my, how i missed you my lovely suicidegirls. . i could only prance into your web to say hi, before i had to dance back out, not wanting the world behind my back and at my throat for being in such a public place. . you are such a beautiful world. if i have to pick sides. you win hands tied behind my back, because i like it that way)