luxdivon

i realize more an more every day that i am fiercly independent. this is why i sit on things so long(i'm also a taurus hehe) it helps me to identify with what is mine to give. if i feel like someone, anyone has an alterior motive for their own ends to knowing me, be it sex, or ideas, or possession, or control, or vanity, then i'd rather spend my moments in my own peace. people often want their way with another person. they want their sex. they want their attention. they want to have the person as their possession. they want to decide what's ok, and not ok, what friends to have, what friends to hate, they want to use money as a lure, they want to take money behind closed doors. they want to take for granted, and misuse, abuse, cheat, lie or steal hearts away from bountiful breasts as they hold within themselves deep regrets for wanting wanting wanting someone & something which is not yours to own, and was never yours to own in the first place. the only way i intend to be owned is by someone or something as pure as water and as beautiful as the air, as expensive as dirt.love-full as the spirit of the world himself. sure you can have my time, we can waste our dimes, and spend moonlight hours laughing and crying and seeing, and believing, and giving and receiving, but never at the cost of my freedom. never at the cost of your freedom. its the internal slave that stays for days waiting to feed its hunger for more. sucking, feeding, withering, diseaseing, smothering, ignoring, stubborn, and ugly, quick to find fault, and never with its own, one moment of freedom is worth more than the lifetime of bondage you can offer me. i smell it in the air, i smell it in your hair, i can see it in your eyes, as they look at me sly, thinking you can take me for something less than i am. that's a bold statement alright. but one thing i'm learning, and of course learning the hard dirty gut-wrenching way, is that inside and out, through and through in the deepest recesses of your most secret thoughts you need to be fighting. and you need to be fighting hard. every day you wake up. there IS something worth fighting for in yourself. sure lots of the things we're fighting about now, not worth fighting for. under a hardened jaded shell of tears and bruises and chest wounds, there lay in the soul, a vast resevoir, in each soul, that seeks to be found, and seeks to grow into next everything, and everywhere. something that i still know is true, but have yet to integrate within is this --

.dont settle for less.