i suppose its time for an update. I have been moving all week..woo.. i love my new place. i'm exhausted. i think i must have moved around my furniture 1000 times before i got it situated. i live in a cute quaint apartment, so i have to be useful with my space 
i dont have net for the next week. but i live about 3...
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i dont have net for the next week. but i live about 3... Read More
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Gas prices are getting so high, i think i'm going to have to choose food or fuel. i'm sure that's how it is for alot of people now. Moving is going good, other than the 25 min drive btwn places. 
its gonna be a long week.
its gonna be a long week.VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
yuriel:
its fuckin bs aint it 
tadzi:
i know the feeling...cept i gotta choose between those two and cigarettes as well.
its 3am and i can't sleep. 
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gerg:
3:20 here
shawn_:
Hope you got some sleep.
someone on another site was saying that suicidegirls isnt radical because all of the women are still beautiful. That a truly radical idea would have unattractive women showing their inner beauty. I agree with him, and I also adequately defended SG for its brave step at least in the right direction.. here's what i wrote 
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i do agree that it would be a radical...
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i do agree that it would be a radical...
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billyfivecrows:
That's a beautiful horoscope...where's it from? I'm Taurus/Gemini cusp, so I read both, and that really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing.
About your comments on SG. I've been thinking along the same line recently, and after hanging around the SG hopefuls board and doing an exhaustive perusal of nearly all the SG's, I came to a certain conclusion: SG seems to be going for a specific aesthetic form with their photography, a certain look that they want to convey from an artistic standpoint, and not an attempt to dictate what is or is not beautiful. I read that some SG's had photosets turned down, sometimes repeatedly, until they had one "that worked with the visual vibe" (my opinion in quotations).
Also in my search I was somewhat suprised at the diversity in SG's. But what I saw mostly was a similarity in the "vibe" of the photographs, regardless of individual beauty...I guess that is the "Suicide Girls" quality that they are looking for. I think it may just be visually aesthetic, more than just a judgement on standards of beauty.
Personally, I find alot of the SG hopefuls to be much more personally appealing.
And as for "someone like you", I think that from what I know from seeing you here, is that you're one of the most uniquely beautiful women in physicallity and mind that I've ever encountered. And, honestly, that uniqueness is something that I cherish more than any imposed standard of beauty, aesthetic or otherwise. Thank you for being.
rain.
About your comments on SG. I've been thinking along the same line recently, and after hanging around the SG hopefuls board and doing an exhaustive perusal of nearly all the SG's, I came to a certain conclusion: SG seems to be going for a specific aesthetic form with their photography, a certain look that they want to convey from an artistic standpoint, and not an attempt to dictate what is or is not beautiful. I read that some SG's had photosets turned down, sometimes repeatedly, until they had one "that worked with the visual vibe" (my opinion in quotations).
Also in my search I was somewhat suprised at the diversity in SG's. But what I saw mostly was a similarity in the "vibe" of the photographs, regardless of individual beauty...I guess that is the "Suicide Girls" quality that they are looking for. I think it may just be visually aesthetic, more than just a judgement on standards of beauty.
Personally, I find alot of the SG hopefuls to be much more personally appealing.
And as for "someone like you", I think that from what I know from seeing you here, is that you're one of the most uniquely beautiful women in physicallity and mind that I've ever encountered. And, honestly, that uniqueness is something that I cherish more than any imposed standard of beauty, aesthetic or otherwise. Thank you for being.
rain.
billyfivecrows:
Ah! Rob Brezsny! Yes! Modern prophet, that one...
Hey...I hope my pseudo-intellectual, babbling replies aren't bothering you...things you say get me going sometimes, and when I get going, not much stops me...
Hey...I hope my pseudo-intellectual, babbling replies aren't bothering you...things you say get me going sometimes, and when I get going, not much stops me...
Random Epiphinies from two sisters conversations - 8/26
1)if only i had been told what is appropriate i would not have to go through the hell of learning what is appropriate.
2)We're all going to most likely be alive for a very long time. its about time we started figuring out some basics.
3)sleeping with someone WILL emotionally attach you to the other person
4)Set...
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1)if only i had been told what is appropriate i would not have to go through the hell of learning what is appropriate.
2)We're all going to most likely be alive for a very long time. its about time we started figuring out some basics.
3)sleeping with someone WILL emotionally attach you to the other person
4)Set...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
shawn_:
Sisters are very smart. My brother and I never come up any epiphinies when we talk.
edwin:
and here I thought you were gone.
i'm going to get the place i want!! 
i move next monday. yipee!
i move next monday. yipee!
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nail:
congrats! its nice to get things you want.
clockhammer:
Congratulations. I'm happy for you.
I still think you should submit a set. If you're rejected it's only because they're blind or stupid.
I still think you should submit a set. If you're rejected it's only because they're blind or stupid.
i will always and forever love my suicidegirls.
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clockhammer:
You should be a suicide girl. 
Have you ever submitted a set?
Have you ever submitted a set?
yuriel:
amen
-shrug-
-shrug-
the apartment hunting went well. i should know in a few days if something works out.
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if the options were life and no music, or death and the consent of letting my voice sing, fingers play, and songs be heard to their fullest whenever i would wish, i would choose death. in that next breath.
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if the options were life and no music, or death and the consent of letting my voice sing, fingers play, and songs be heard to their fullest whenever i would wish, i would choose death. in that next breath.
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billyfivecrows:
"For one who is born, death is certain; for one who has died, birth is certain. Since you cannot avoid either fate, you should not lament." - the Bhagavad Gita
I'd love to hear your music...
I'd love to hear your music...
nish1:
Hope your apartment hunting goes well
I have to say you look lovely in your photos
I have to say you look lovely in your photos
ok everyone. wish me luck on getting a place tommorow double crossing my fingers.
double crossing my fingers. VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
deliverer:
Good luck sweetie!
ruicosta:
Good luck....
today i feel like an emotional basketcase. but i don't know why, and there's no particular reason for it. and its not even pms. because i just had that. i guess i'm journaling this because i thought i should note it. one day maybe, i'll compile a list to see if there's a damn pattern to all this up up uping and down down downing....
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analies:
infatuation, because it happens to me alot,
just curious as to what made u think to ask that? Hm and i feel ya i never wanna go out i just wanna hide in the comfort of my home, but as u said ur just in a "funk" and im sure your intellegince will allow you to escape these feelings.
just curious as to what made u think to ask that? Hm and i feel ya i never wanna go out i just wanna hide in the comfort of my home, but as u said ur just in a "funk" and im sure your intellegince will allow you to escape these feelings.
_robdog_:
infatuation, love is more fulfilling.
Hope you start to feel better soon...
Hope you start to feel better soon...
why is it, that its so easy to hate something distinct. something different. something unique. something in our ego wants to squash it, and idolize it all in the same breath. seems strange. and animalistic? maybe its evolution.
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billyfivecrows:
A few years back, I had a friend who was always busting my balls for being who I am: "Man, why you gotta use all them big 'ol words, and all that art and poetry...why don't you just be like the rest of us!?!?"
And this from someone who claimed to be open minded, was highly curious, and extremely intelligent. But the thing was...if it wasn't his point of view, or his interests, he was almost animalistically defensive.
Seems like self-esteem issues. Fear. Old patterns of being held down, humiliated, not constructively supported. It's a shame to have so much to offer and feel like "they" wont let you express it.
Ultimately, what someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Taking a personal stance regardless of outside opinion is optimal for any sort of real personal growth.
I do what feels right to me from an intensely pesonal perspective, and those who should be in my life, will be. Others fall away, obsolete. And I'm obsolete to them, as well. Worrying about what someone else does or doesn't do is like nailing one foot to the floor and going around in a little circle. You get no where, and it's painful. Useless.
"Unique" seems to play in to some sort of staus quo, what's "normal", common, everyday. At best, that seems ambiguous, given the sheer individual diversity within the human culture. To call us a "species" seems to miss the point of our evolution. Each one of us, in my point of view, is a species unto ourselves. The more a global culture is implemented, the more this seems true. Too much information "Out There"...I have to concern myself with what's inside, find out what mkes me happy, makes me tick.
Unique? I prefer 'distinct'. For each of us.
And then we all mesh and blend in ways we will or wont.
No sweat. It's easy if I let it be.
And this from someone who claimed to be open minded, was highly curious, and extremely intelligent. But the thing was...if it wasn't his point of view, or his interests, he was almost animalistically defensive.
Seems like self-esteem issues. Fear. Old patterns of being held down, humiliated, not constructively supported. It's a shame to have so much to offer and feel like "they" wont let you express it.
Ultimately, what someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Taking a personal stance regardless of outside opinion is optimal for any sort of real personal growth.
I do what feels right to me from an intensely pesonal perspective, and those who should be in my life, will be. Others fall away, obsolete. And I'm obsolete to them, as well. Worrying about what someone else does or doesn't do is like nailing one foot to the floor and going around in a little circle. You get no where, and it's painful. Useless.
"Unique" seems to play in to some sort of staus quo, what's "normal", common, everyday. At best, that seems ambiguous, given the sheer individual diversity within the human culture. To call us a "species" seems to miss the point of our evolution. Each one of us, in my point of view, is a species unto ourselves. The more a global culture is implemented, the more this seems true. Too much information "Out There"...I have to concern myself with what's inside, find out what mkes me happy, makes me tick.
Unique? I prefer 'distinct'. For each of us.
And then we all mesh and blend in ways we will or wont.
No sweat. It's easy if I let it be.
nail:
hate is convenient for most. personally, i think it takes too much effort.
caught
i want to be in the throbbing heart of the city
with the tumbling of thoughts and spirits
intermingled:confused and poor and struggling and wonderful
there's something to be said
there's something to be heard
everyone's talking,
listen
i crave to have my longing filled,
she craves to have my security held.
he sees to have his longing still,
i crave to have my...
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i want to be in the throbbing heart of the city
with the tumbling of thoughts and spirits
intermingled:confused and poor and struggling and wonderful
there's something to be said
there's something to be heard
everyone's talking,
listen
i crave to have my longing filled,
she craves to have my security held.
he sees to have his longing still,
i crave to have my...
Read More
billyfivecrows:
The city is a jungle of calmness,
Any dizzy ghost minds balance.
I once outran a storm
A street of my decency unmapped.
I rocked myself to sleep, hungry
Like thunder in a cradle
White-noise like the milk of whisper
Forked fingers made of spark (I'm
Alone. Not even uneven
Nightmare can mirror
What no light fails to know: Brightness.)
The hearts' wide open.
There's a sunlight in the blood
And I run underneath...
Any dizzy ghost minds balance.
I once outran a storm
A street of my decency unmapped.
I rocked myself to sleep, hungry
Like thunder in a cradle
White-noise like the milk of whisper
Forked fingers made of spark (I'm
Alone. Not even uneven
Nightmare can mirror
What no light fails to know: Brightness.)
The hearts' wide open.
There's a sunlight in the blood
And I run underneath...
shawn_:
Nice!
Sounds like the new place is going to be nice.
nice you got a home of your own, virginia woolf used to say it was the one condition for a woman to be able to create..
as for the stray cat what did you call it?
about the pen, did it have diamonds on it to be so expensive??
hey if you wanna feel a little more adventurous go and check my new pics while you're still at the cybercaf