I finally put my finger on it. And it's the stupidest thing.
I've dated a guy for a month or two. And it didn't work out. So we took a couple of weeks apart to cool things down and now we're giving a shot at being friends. Last week he kissed me and it woke up all sorts of things and we ended up in bed. I didn't give much thought about it. It happed, it's ok, has long has I don't ever let it happen again. But on Monday I went to his place to watch a movie with him and his roomy... We took a few drink, watched the movie in each others arms. At the end of the night we pretty much loosed it an and nearly ended up kissing again.
I feel humiliated that I trough myself at him.
I feel like I'm not in control.
I feel like I should have been the strong one, because he don't care. He said it himself he would be find being friends with benefit. I'm the one who don't want anything to do with him other then friends if he doesn't want to be exclusive. So I should have been look out for myself and not put myself in this position because he's sure has hell not gonna complain if I slip again.
I feel like and can't talk to anybody about those feeling because they told me all along it was a mistake and I shouldn't try to be friends with him. But mostly I can't talk about it because I feel like nobody cares.
I feel stupid because right now it's the only thing that is not going well in my life, and it's not even that big but it's ruining all the good stuff.
I feel weak because I couldn't hold back.
I feel I missed my shot at being friends because now he'll always think he has the upper hand.
I feel like a masochist because I can't get my self to stop seeing him again. We made all kinds of plans and I really was looking forward to them.
...
Now that I have identify all this stuff... I can do my best to trow it in the garbage, to keep my chin up. I'm better then this. I'm not a little whinny girl. I've survive 4 years of sickness, I can survive one little guy who doesn't know what he's missing. Has for him, if he really want to be my friend, he'll wait for me to get it together and he won't hold it against me.
♥ Lunne
I've dated a guy for a month or two. And it didn't work out. So we took a couple of weeks apart to cool things down and now we're giving a shot at being friends. Last week he kissed me and it woke up all sorts of things and we ended up in bed. I didn't give much thought about it. It happed, it's ok, has long has I don't ever let it happen again. But on Monday I went to his place to watch a movie with him and his roomy... We took a few drink, watched the movie in each others arms. At the end of the night we pretty much loosed it an and nearly ended up kissing again.
I feel humiliated that I trough myself at him.
I feel like I'm not in control.
I feel like I should have been the strong one, because he don't care. He said it himself he would be find being friends with benefit. I'm the one who don't want anything to do with him other then friends if he doesn't want to be exclusive. So I should have been look out for myself and not put myself in this position because he's sure has hell not gonna complain if I slip again.
I feel like and can't talk to anybody about those feeling because they told me all along it was a mistake and I shouldn't try to be friends with him. But mostly I can't talk about it because I feel like nobody cares.
I feel stupid because right now it's the only thing that is not going well in my life, and it's not even that big but it's ruining all the good stuff.
I feel weak because I couldn't hold back.
I feel I missed my shot at being friends because now he'll always think he has the upper hand.
I feel like a masochist because I can't get my self to stop seeing him again. We made all kinds of plans and I really was looking forward to them.
...
Now that I have identify all this stuff... I can do my best to trow it in the garbage, to keep my chin up. I'm better then this. I'm not a little whinny girl. I've survive 4 years of sickness, I can survive one little guy who doesn't know what he's missing. Has for him, if he really want to be my friend, he'll wait for me to get it together and he won't hold it against me.
♥ Lunne
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Take care of you, and I wish you lots of luck in walking away.