I deserve better than this. I deserve better than this. I deserve better than this.
God DAMMIT.
Why do I keep subjecting myself to this self-esteem sucking SHIT? I finally meet someone who treats me with the goddamn respect I deserve. And it's like we have had absolutely nothing but obstacles. To the point where I'm left with nothing but questions.
What the hell happened? Where was I? What am I missing here? (And of course every girl's favorite...) What did I do wrong...?
You know, I like me. I like me a lot. And I used to hope that one day my prince would come. Well, maybe he did but I was too goddamn clueless and by the time I woke up he had just ridden on past me. Inevitably right past to some chick who doesn't deserve him and treats him like crap.
I'm mixing life experiences here, but I think I'm at a six year breaking point, so it's just all a goddamn blur right now.
I hate the fact that as soon as you admit your feelings for someone it's like you're more vulnerable than a slug crossing the road during rush hour traffic.
Great. Just great.
God DAMMIT.
Why do I keep subjecting myself to this self-esteem sucking SHIT? I finally meet someone who treats me with the goddamn respect I deserve. And it's like we have had absolutely nothing but obstacles. To the point where I'm left with nothing but questions.
What the hell happened? Where was I? What am I missing here? (And of course every girl's favorite...) What did I do wrong...?
You know, I like me. I like me a lot. And I used to hope that one day my prince would come. Well, maybe he did but I was too goddamn clueless and by the time I woke up he had just ridden on past me. Inevitably right past to some chick who doesn't deserve him and treats him like crap.
I'm mixing life experiences here, but I think I'm at a six year breaking point, so it's just all a goddamn blur right now.
I hate the fact that as soon as you admit your feelings for someone it's like you're more vulnerable than a slug crossing the road during rush hour traffic.
Great. Just great.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
i still know how you feel a little bit, unfortunately for us all. cosmically we should all probably agree that we need to experiance the pain and emotional torture of all our relationships or attempts at them falling horribly flat for a while in our lives because then we'll really appreciate it comparitively when it all goes right - but lets be honest thats bullshit right? and why is it bullshit? i'd normally say cos all of us know that there are many people who say they never got it, and logically we all know love really is all down to cupid; the little bastard doesnt make it easy to find the right person at the right time (even, as you said, down to a few seconds of passing in the street or something as well as over months) under the right conditions. little bastard.
i'll finish my rant on a positive note, since i'm terminally sick of my recent pessimism; just incase a example of how i might be able to empathise would be nice, my situation is that i've been breaking up with my junkie of an ex (who never used to be a junkie) for forever, i fell for someone on the site who then decided he was in love with a very good friend of mine; i then started seeing someone who lives 150 miles from me, but that exploded in my face, and now i'm falling for someone else on the site. i dont dare tell him incase i lose a perfectly good friendship after telling him and embarrassing the fuck out of him or it all goes pearshaped in some other way.
but something occurred to me; cosmically (v. into my cosmic alignment theories) 1) i am searching for someone so persistantly and uncontrollably because i am really lonely in london even with my best friends living with me. 2) maybe i am being saved from something much worse that would happen if relationships were to start to work out with any of these people. because my own stability or theirs not being totally sound. like maybe if relationship continued alright with guy 1# then he'd end up bludgeoning me to death in five years time, or if with guy 2# then i would fall so in love with him that when he leaves me for another woman in two years time i go mad, simply mad and have to be locked up with a broken heart. its kind of a 'sliding doors' theory. either way, i'm personally probably best on my own right now if i'm feeling as desperate for a companion as i think i am.
anyway, sorry i ramble; from the way you write you seem lovely, and i'm sure that good things will come to you, but think about whether you're ready.
p.s. what happened to arioch? did he say goodbye?
love n hugs n self esteem boosting thoughts going your way