lulumae

Okay, I have a confession to make.

I, LuluMae, sometimes feel insecure.

That's it. See, I know I'm not supposed to admit that. It's not something I'm particularily proud of. I'm supposed to always be all "go team LuluMae! Woot!" Most of the time I am sure of myself, and I think that I'm a pretty cool person. But then some days (or in this case, early mornings after getting off of a long shift at the bar- so much for going out...) I can't feel like that. I can't even pretend to.

Okay, here's another one. Sometimes, I feel lonely, too. That's right. I'll admit it. Yes, I can be independent. But do I always have to be? Who takes care of me when I need it? Sometimes I hate the fact that I'm coming home to leftover Kraft Dinner (you think I'm kidding?) and a cat who won't even wake up when I walk in the door. (Yeah, I'm talking to you, fatty.) I wish I could say that I didn't really want, not need, but definitely strongly want, someone here with me right now... but I can't. I really wanted to have someone to talk to tonight. But there's no one there.

Here's another thing.

(insert rant here)

I'm sick and tired of always seeing the absolute best in people. Because you know what? People let you down! I'm too giving in so many situations, and that is the number one reason why time and time again I've had to feel absolutely crushed and heartbroken by some of the people I've loved the most. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't stop. I think that the moment I stop having this annoying blind-faith thing that I'll stop being the LuluMae that I really like.

So there you have it, boys and girls. People kinda suck sometimes. And they hurt each other. And they hurt each other even when they don't mean to, yet know that they're doing it.

I don't think I'll ever really get it.

XOX-L

"Life is hard and lonely. It's only natural to want someone to share the misery with."