lulumae

Why do we have to let go of people and times in our life?

I mean, I wish I could collect the times in my life where I was happy, and the people who were there, and extract all the bad stuff that was intertwined in those people and times... (because there's always bad stuff) and just stay there. Unzip that "package" and climb inside where it's safe and warm.

I just CAN'T LET GO. And maybe I should look at it as a gift, because it means I have a constant reminder of the lessons I've learned. But it's definitely my curse and my weakness. It's the only thing that makes me a weak person.

Hmm. It's been a while since I've had an embarassingly introspective journal entry. But here I am, pre-exams, pre-LIFE, stuck in my room listening to my sad and sentimental mixed CDs and putting off studying some more so that I can wallow in my own weak pathetic-ness. Which isn't a word. You know what also isn't a word?

mu.

But that's how I feel tonight, so it'll just have to do.

I had a good talk with my sister tonight, which was very overdue. She's moving to the other side of the continent in less than a year, and on bad days, I feel like when that happens I'm just going to keel over and die. The rest of the time I just realize that I'm going to spend a good portion of my time crying over a keyboard instead of over a phone or, more times than not, in an airport. Because although she lives far away now, at least I can go see her more than one time a frickin' year. And I'm not going to think how hard it will be to say good-bye to her for over a year when I break down just dropping her off at the airport for another month.

There's only one person who I want in my company at ALL times. It just figures that she's one of the very few people I know who isn't in my city.

But enough on that. I'm sufficiently SAD.

XOX-L

"Thanks, that was fun. Don't forget. No regrets."