Years back, when I was still single, I had a much younger lover, in his early 20's. He was an artist, flirted with the Goth scene, etc. I was (and I suppose I still am) about 15 plus years older than him. I HATE that term "cougar" so don't even go there.
Anyway, he once said to me he thought he was "too bohemian" for me. I spurted laughter (and I think a little white wine came out my nose, too.) It's so easy to be "alternative" or "bohemian" or "counterculture" --or whatever phrase you want to use--when you're in your early 20's. The world is expecting you to explore at that age. The reason I splashed laughter and wine all over my lover at that comment?? Try being different from the norm when you're 35, 45, etc. When there's a real job at hand, a mortgage, even, gasp, a retirement fund....
I know--sounds very conventional. But most of you young 20's will take on the same life issues we all do with time.. My point is, real bohemian or "counterculture" comes from maintaining a certain attitude and approach to life when the years and responsibilities start piling on. I laughed at my lover's comment because I thought, at the time, "honey, you haven't even tested the waters yet."
I'm not trying to pat myself on the back for being "bohemian." I'll tell you from life experience, it really isn't an easy road to follow (ya know...that Robert Frost "road less taken" way-too-familiar line). Peer pressure is bad. But wait until you're dealing with societal pressure. I went through some lonely times when I had to live in smaller towns or suburbs because of where my job is. Finding like minds in those places led me to younger people--like the young painter/lover I mentioned before. That younger lover may have given me a laugh with his comment, but he also made me realize I had to move, to go someplace where I could find artists, musicians, creative thinkers, people who buck this system not just for the hell of it but because they've thought it through and have remained true to their hearts and who they really and truly are--even in the face of convention.
Don't know that anyone's following what I'm saying here, but every time I log on to SG, I see so many incredibly young people here who consider themselves "alternative" or "cutting edge" or something like that. And I can't help but think about that former lover and his comment. And I can't help but wonder how many young SG types will give way to convention with time and age and responsibility and jobs, mortgages, gasp--retirement accounts. I do think everyone has to grow up. But I think a few people manage to stay really true to who they are underneath it all even while growing up.... It's one of the reasons I enjoy the few older people who sign on to this site. There are very few who are clinging to their youth and a lot more who are just much more comfortable outside the white picket fence world of suburbia. So, young 20 something friends, enjoy your explorations, and here's hoping you don't let that curiousity and desire to explore fall away as you grow up/older. The world needs more people who live as their hearts tell them to, even in the face of pressure, loneliness, and bills to pay. (And, hey, if it takes a hot young artist lover to keep you there--all the better!! Ha.)
So who's too bohemian for whom?
Anyway, he once said to me he thought he was "too bohemian" for me. I spurted laughter (and I think a little white wine came out my nose, too.) It's so easy to be "alternative" or "bohemian" or "counterculture" --or whatever phrase you want to use--when you're in your early 20's. The world is expecting you to explore at that age. The reason I splashed laughter and wine all over my lover at that comment?? Try being different from the norm when you're 35, 45, etc. When there's a real job at hand, a mortgage, even, gasp, a retirement fund....
I know--sounds very conventional. But most of you young 20's will take on the same life issues we all do with time.. My point is, real bohemian or "counterculture" comes from maintaining a certain attitude and approach to life when the years and responsibilities start piling on. I laughed at my lover's comment because I thought, at the time, "honey, you haven't even tested the waters yet."
I'm not trying to pat myself on the back for being "bohemian." I'll tell you from life experience, it really isn't an easy road to follow (ya know...that Robert Frost "road less taken" way-too-familiar line). Peer pressure is bad. But wait until you're dealing with societal pressure. I went through some lonely times when I had to live in smaller towns or suburbs because of where my job is. Finding like minds in those places led me to younger people--like the young painter/lover I mentioned before. That younger lover may have given me a laugh with his comment, but he also made me realize I had to move, to go someplace where I could find artists, musicians, creative thinkers, people who buck this system not just for the hell of it but because they've thought it through and have remained true to their hearts and who they really and truly are--even in the face of convention.
Don't know that anyone's following what I'm saying here, but every time I log on to SG, I see so many incredibly young people here who consider themselves "alternative" or "cutting edge" or something like that. And I can't help but think about that former lover and his comment. And I can't help but wonder how many young SG types will give way to convention with time and age and responsibility and jobs, mortgages, gasp--retirement accounts. I do think everyone has to grow up. But I think a few people manage to stay really true to who they are underneath it all even while growing up.... It's one of the reasons I enjoy the few older people who sign on to this site. There are very few who are clinging to their youth and a lot more who are just much more comfortable outside the white picket fence world of suburbia. So, young 20 something friends, enjoy your explorations, and here's hoping you don't let that curiousity and desire to explore fall away as you grow up/older. The world needs more people who live as their hearts tell them to, even in the face of pressure, loneliness, and bills to pay. (And, hey, if it takes a hot young artist lover to keep you there--all the better!! Ha.)
So who's too bohemian for whom?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
lizaeth:
BTW that long flower comment was hilarious.
luky:
That's what I was trying to get at, Lizabeth!! You nailed it. "I have become more myself through this process." I think that's exactly it. Until you're tested in those rebellious ways, they're nothing but rebellious ways.... Damn, we are two cool older chicks! lol. 