yep, so, erm...
well, Disco and i had a little bit of an argument last night. and as catharsis, she took the decision to tell all in her journal.
all is now well and good with the world; we had a very very long conversation and lots of tears and honesty and i completely see her point of view. as with every relationship, the key word is compromise. we've discussed it and we both know that there are things that we need to do to keep this relationship healthy. and god knows it's worth it.
i'm taking her to bristol zoo in a few weeks for a fun day out, afterwards we shall go for dinner and hopefully she'll accept the diamond ring she chose last week as a token of my love and my wish to spend the rest of my life with her.
but, and this is a biggie, there is no way in the world that i can feel comfortable staying on sg following the fact that she made it so public. i understand her reasons, but it kinda makes me feel like a marked man or summat. she's popular, i'm just a hanger-on and now i'm a fuckwit hanger-on.
how can i turn up at the ship, all smiles, when i know that people have read all about my badnesses? how can i not feel like people will be judging me, will be thinking that i'm a bastard or whatever? in all probability, while people care about Disco's well being (and there is no-one who cares more about that than me), they would probably understand that it's between me and her and there would be no adverse effect on the atmosphere and i would feel as welcome as i did in cheltenham the other week.
but my mindset is such that i can't accept that as the truth, even if it is. i hold nothing against her at all. i love her deeply and completely. but she promised to delete the comment and she didn't. and now i feel horrid.
so i won't be coming to the sguk meet on saturday, the one where luke wanted to fit in, the one where he wanted to be part of a community. and i can't defend the thing i said about real friends, it was a violent, horrible verbal weapon which was clearly misdirected and utter, utter shite. people are real as soon as they come out of the confines of the metal box on the desk. hell, they're real as soon as you feel that bond of trust and comfort on msn. no-one needs to tell me this twice.
this is going to be my last post. i've enjoyed it here (even though i've been a bit quiet), but i can't stick around after my completely justified public flogging.
my e-mail addy is idontlikeribena@hotmail.com if anyone wants to keep in touch.
and i wanted to do another sb set, too. meh.
byesies xxxx
(Disco, i love you. i'm sorry.)
well, Disco and i had a little bit of an argument last night. and as catharsis, she took the decision to tell all in her journal.
all is now well and good with the world; we had a very very long conversation and lots of tears and honesty and i completely see her point of view. as with every relationship, the key word is compromise. we've discussed it and we both know that there are things that we need to do to keep this relationship healthy. and god knows it's worth it.
i'm taking her to bristol zoo in a few weeks for a fun day out, afterwards we shall go for dinner and hopefully she'll accept the diamond ring she chose last week as a token of my love and my wish to spend the rest of my life with her.
but, and this is a biggie, there is no way in the world that i can feel comfortable staying on sg following the fact that she made it so public. i understand her reasons, but it kinda makes me feel like a marked man or summat. she's popular, i'm just a hanger-on and now i'm a fuckwit hanger-on.
how can i turn up at the ship, all smiles, when i know that people have read all about my badnesses? how can i not feel like people will be judging me, will be thinking that i'm a bastard or whatever? in all probability, while people care about Disco's well being (and there is no-one who cares more about that than me), they would probably understand that it's between me and her and there would be no adverse effect on the atmosphere and i would feel as welcome as i did in cheltenham the other week.
but my mindset is such that i can't accept that as the truth, even if it is. i hold nothing against her at all. i love her deeply and completely. but she promised to delete the comment and she didn't. and now i feel horrid.
so i won't be coming to the sguk meet on saturday, the one where luke wanted to fit in, the one where he wanted to be part of a community. and i can't defend the thing i said about real friends, it was a violent, horrible verbal weapon which was clearly misdirected and utter, utter shite. people are real as soon as they come out of the confines of the metal box on the desk. hell, they're real as soon as you feel that bond of trust and comfort on msn. no-one needs to tell me this twice.
this is going to be my last post. i've enjoyed it here (even though i've been a bit quiet), but i can't stick around after my completely justified public flogging.
my e-mail addy is idontlikeribena@hotmail.com if anyone wants to keep in touch.
and i wanted to do another sb set, too. meh.
byesies xxxx
(Disco, i love you. i'm sorry.)
*hugs*