luffy

Hi! I'm still here,
...in between the lines of the many worlds I currently occupy.

A lot has happened within the past few months.
I went from having no job, to having a job that teaches me so much every day I'm there.
I've gone from living with family to not having a pair of keys of my own, at all.
I traded in my facebook page for a twitter account... (I never thought I'd do that, but here we are.)
I've still got a love/hate relationship with fear. The fear to stand up for myself, whenever I feel threatened.
I know that ever day is a new chance to accept the fear for what it really is: Facing the fear. It's not an easy task, but I am slowly tackling this evasive road block.
I am more aware of myself, and my surroundings, a little every day.
I managed to traveled all the way out of the clusterfuck that is the city, into overwhelming silence, isolation, and tranquility... Had some of the greatest experiences of my life, and then back to the lovely concrete jungle. All within the matter of a week.

My eyes... I'm learning truly open up when I'm out side of my comfort zone... my security blanket... that which is my floating apathy.
I often wonder what's going to happen to me now. Am I going to rise to the challenge whenever opposing forces drawn in for the kill? How much strength do I really have in there? Am I all talk and no walk? And what the fuck am I doing? Everything is flashing through my eyes so fast that it is more and more impossible for me to believe that there ever was a thing as stop motion. And yet, I am able to see things in stop motion now...
This year, specifically, my life seems to have warped it into another time frame... I've never been surrounded with such rapid and life altering change, and the only thing I can say about it all; The good the bad, the embarrassing, the victorious... is that life is what you make of it. Mine is an absolute beauty!

I realize that my reality, and true reality are kind of out of sync. Subconsciously, I know what I want to do with my life, but it sure as hell doesn't seem like I do!.
And yet, I've decided that, as hard as it is, I need to buckle down in the city for a year or two, or three, and set a plan into place that will steer me in the right direction for the years to come. Who knows. Maybe I'll move back to Montreal for another few months between now and a few years forward. I might just stay here for that entire period, and devote a good chunk of time to developing a stronger foundation.
Because my plans in the future are to gear up, set sail and aim for my treasure in life:
Before even trying to reveal what that is to both you and I, I must set myself on course!
Life's about to get even crazier! Bring it on, I say!



On another note,
This guy's coming to town on December 6. I'm going to try and get tickets for his show. I've never bought concert tickets before, but its never too late to have a first. I am just really captivated by his style of music, and this song, in particular:

So, I MUST!

Until next time,
I love you!
xoxo


I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.
Alan Watts