lucks

and then I woke up. and there was an empty bottle of wine beside me. and I was somehow coaxed into sleep by Dire Straits...

the surrealism of feeling that you know someone, without actually having the slightest clue.. it's exciting and strange. It's odd, familiarity without reinforcement.. so natural, like I've been there my entire life, or at the very least I should've been... sentiments of hope are comforting, comradery in the slightest of forms.. it nurtures me into the soundest of sleeps...............

more snow. and I wore flip flops to work this morning. this is ridiculous.

If I do nothing else today, I will make a snowman. wearing sensible footwear.

6 more days til Vancouver.. I'm going to chain myself to a bridge somewhere so they can't make me leave. I need the ocean so badly right now.. oh hey, anyone got reccomendations for good sailing trip...
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hmm, so I'm still attempting to drown my sorrows minus the drowning part.. managing to stay away from knives and excessive booze. rigid application in the school area though.. I paid way too much for those fucking courses to let my school work go to hell. still walking around the city late at night.. writing crap and listening to sappy music.. yep, that's about it..

I've discovered an intense love for long walks. especially at dusk, in a park by my house that I've come to refer to as 'my park'. noone knows about it, well, except people that have dogs, but I let them use it.. ; ) it's huge and plain.. big sloping hills, great vantage point.. nothing but tall grass and a few shrubs.

I find a...
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my spider ate 4 crickets.

sorry for the lack of updates.... wait. why the fuck am I sorry?? (because we're conditioned to be sorry for everything.)

my best friend got back from six months in Thailand last night.. good to see her, but outwardly, I couldn't show any elation at all.

I miss my little white pills.. they helped me not feel like this. oh well.. hopefully it won't last...
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stuff sucks. haven't been this low in a while..

playing faaaaaar too much online crib.

one of my favorite poems, by Amy Lowell:

The Taxi

When I go away from you
The world beats dead
Like a slackened drum.
I call out for you against the jutted stars
And shout into the ridges of the wind.
Streets coming fast,
One after the other,
Wedge you away from me,
And the lamps of the city prick my eyes
So that I...
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