lucks

i am so desperate to wash myself of all the mistakes i've made. failing that, at least get to where there's no expectation of me, no footsteps i've left being places i shouldn't have been.

i am so weighed down with regret. not for myself or for the things i've done, but for how they ended up. and for people who got hurt along the way.

i have been heavy for so long, yet i somehow manage to become momentarily swept by optimism, thinking this time i'll get it right.

i really should know better. i'm finding out you really can be low forever. i am so tempted to ply myself with enough anti-depressants to make blood look like roses.