lucks

and the new year is off to a fabulous start.. already my life is a mess.. by my own hand. I'm a confused girl.

my friend whom I kiss (I have commitment issues) has been gone for 12 days now. family christmas stuff and new years skiing trip with the boys.. half the time again that I've known him pretty much... and the guy I've been lusting after for oh, three years (friend of a friend) is all of a sudden very interested and I don't know what to do! I am so wickedly curious about him.. I just can't not, ya know?? but it could fuck up friendships and make it difficult if things didn't work out. so he's like forbidden fruit. I shouldn't, and that makes me want him that much more.

so.. we had a really platonic date last night.. frolicked in the snow; admired the cheesy xmas light display at centennial park.. then went for pool and beers, then to his house, watched Dodgeball.. after the movie, I laid on the couch with my head on his knee.. we talked for a while.. he stroked my hair, right behind my ear.. if I was capable of purring, yeah.. it was so great. then at 5:15 in the morning, we finally called it a night.. he dropped me off at home.. goodbye hugs, no kisses.. (ohh, the agony)

I'm going to hell for sure..