lucina

For the last couple of weeks, I have been taking myself to the bookstore in the afternoons for coffee and study. The time goes by fairly well. I like the feeling of being in a public place, yet just by sitting down at one of those 2x5 tables with my review book, coffee, pen and paper, I create my own little space next to the guy who has created his own little space, with which to do what I want.
I am aware that there is an entire store full of things that my mind craves to discover. I feel strong as I sit there, not being distracted by the wealth that surrounds me: the other words on other pages of those books that will not help me pass boards. I give myself a small victory for staying focused. If the material I am studying that day is particularly frustrating for me, I allow myself to peruse one random book of poems on the way back from a break.
Since the fall of '03, I have intermittently hung out in the cafe portion of the store, usually at the same table, studying, caffeinated drink in hand. I began noticing after several weeks that a core group of people often visited the cafe as well. It was a strange sort of comfort to see them still sitting in their respective places, hear them bantering with the baristas, chatting with each other.
There are some times that I am distracted by the occasional person who takes a mobile phone call and is completely unaware that their projected one-sided conversation should best be carried on outside. Then there are the times that two or more people sit at a table close to mine and their conversation is too interesting or witty not to want to lean forward to hear. The guise of studying lends me the subtlety of quietly listening.
Yesterday, I had a few moments of thinking I might need to find another location to carry on my routine.
Last fall, I worked as a subsitute teacher at the middle school on the days I didn't have classes. One of the classes had a boy with translator/tutor to assist him. We introduced ourselves and made small talk while the kids were working on an assignment. As the afternoon went on, we continued to converse--kids, my spouse (he did not mention any attachments), where are you from? (he is from another country originally). At the end of the day, we exchanged phone numbers on the thought that I would be call to invite him over for a Saturday night poker tournament, since he professed to not ever doing anything on the weekends.
Can you see where this is going? Maybe? Maybe not?
Turns out the guy is married to a girl I went all 12 years of school with (was never particularly fond of her or her me). When I became aware of this I called him on it, yet he just kept trying to insist he and I could be friends. I pointedly asked him if his wife knew that he had my phone number, then proceeded to tell him that the situation was wrong and I would not be in touch with him anymore. If I saw him at the school, I would be cordial, but nothing else, I said
After that, any encounters were awkward, but tolerable.
Soon, I had no free time to sub. End of story until yesterday.
This same guy is in the bookstore. We see each other, smile. He asks if he can sit down for a minute. I warily say ok. Then he asks about this and that, casually trying to throw in questions about my marriage. Then says he has thought about calling me, but that would be trouble.
Yes, it would be, I say.
Then I tell him I saw his wife a couple of days ago. He didn't even remember that I told him I went to school with her!
Small town, he says.
Very small town, I say. You might want to leave my table before someone sees you...
He nervously laughed.
You come here every day? he looks at me.
No, I boldfacely lied, looking right back at him. Just sometimes.
So you still have my number? he asks, laughing.
No, I answer, laughing as well. I don't.
Just then Ren calls (my angel of mercy), so I made my exit.
Hopefully, he will leave it at that.

I would hate to give up my haven. The familiar faces of complete strangers. The periodic wafting of rich, roasted beans over the cafe. Just the right blend of artificial light and sunlight to read by. My comfort of being there to ease my anxiety over this test...

I'm off there now...
Have a fantastic Thursday.