this is a repost of a blog i did at another site a few months ago....just something to start out with (its got a real tucker max feel to it...that was intentional)
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Last night i was trying not to get laid...weird
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times....no this isnt a tolstoy novel, but it is about the kegger at danielles...the night starts great, im drinking and being merry (that is the secret to life ive been told). then some dominoes, my partner is drunk already, and ive got bad hands...we lose...twice in a row...god hates me.
the door opens and lacy walks in...she is loud, annoying, and demanding....typical lacy....fuck
more dominoes, chriss last chance to redeem himself as a partner...uh oh, im being funny, taking the spotlight from lacy...she attempts to cover my mouth with her hands....i announce to everyone present, "dear god, her hands taste like dick"
she slaps at me and leaves the room...mission accomplished
i make the announcement to the table, "i wouldnt fuck her with ryans dick, and brad pushing"
later outside...the keg looked lonely, i walked over to keep it company...i hear a loud noise, and look towards it, eye contact with lacy is made....fuck
shes walking my way....fuck
she starts babbling at me...did i mention fuck?
she manages to corner me on the porch, its okay, im very creative and as elusive as a snow leopard...my great trick to escape? i take her hat off and throw it into the yard...."you better grab that before the conductor you stole it from reclaims it"...mission accomplished
later...more dominoes...new partner...i never can remember this dudes name, but appartently we were best friends in a past life, cause this dude loves me...but he is just as drunk as chris was...but worse at dominoes
lacy sits down at the table next to me, ryan is on my other side, brad is watching from the corner...they both laugh...i put in my headphones and try to make some gold out of the crap dominoes that i pulled....maybe if i ignore her she'll go away, not likely though....
she grabs the score sheet from me and writes lacy wins...now she is touching me....now she starts singing to me and groping herself...ryan and brad are laughing...
i start sending texts to chris to save me, here they are, exactly as sent:
me: save me...NOW
chris: ha ha ha....ha ha ha ha ha ha... ha
me: you fucking suck
chris: maybe she will have a stroke
me: we could hope, or you can kill her now
chris: maybe and acute case of apendicitis
me: knife her, right in the base of the skull
chris: it would take more than that to kill that god of a succubus
me: youre a coward...i hate you
chris: you told me to be nice (this is true, chris is a mean drunk and tries to start fights)
me: BE MEAN!
chris: nope
i hate chris
she is still touching me, im afraid im gonna get HIV if this continues....she kissed my cheek....i think i need a delousing
that was it, last straw...i declare that i am gay and want no part of her, maybe not in those words, it was more like this " leave me alone, id rather sleep with brad"
just to clarify, im not gay, but i had no other options at that point....she wouldnt take no for an answer...and i cant hit women, even if they are devil whores.
she throws her dominoes, and storms off
i win
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Last night i was trying not to get laid...weird
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times....no this isnt a tolstoy novel, but it is about the kegger at danielles...the night starts great, im drinking and being merry (that is the secret to life ive been told). then some dominoes, my partner is drunk already, and ive got bad hands...we lose...twice in a row...god hates me.
the door opens and lacy walks in...she is loud, annoying, and demanding....typical lacy....fuck
more dominoes, chriss last chance to redeem himself as a partner...uh oh, im being funny, taking the spotlight from lacy...she attempts to cover my mouth with her hands....i announce to everyone present, "dear god, her hands taste like dick"
she slaps at me and leaves the room...mission accomplished
i make the announcement to the table, "i wouldnt fuck her with ryans dick, and brad pushing"
later outside...the keg looked lonely, i walked over to keep it company...i hear a loud noise, and look towards it, eye contact with lacy is made....fuck
shes walking my way....fuck
she starts babbling at me...did i mention fuck?
she manages to corner me on the porch, its okay, im very creative and as elusive as a snow leopard...my great trick to escape? i take her hat off and throw it into the yard...."you better grab that before the conductor you stole it from reclaims it"...mission accomplished
later...more dominoes...new partner...i never can remember this dudes name, but appartently we were best friends in a past life, cause this dude loves me...but he is just as drunk as chris was...but worse at dominoes
lacy sits down at the table next to me, ryan is on my other side, brad is watching from the corner...they both laugh...i put in my headphones and try to make some gold out of the crap dominoes that i pulled....maybe if i ignore her she'll go away, not likely though....
she grabs the score sheet from me and writes lacy wins...now she is touching me....now she starts singing to me and groping herself...ryan and brad are laughing...
i start sending texts to chris to save me, here they are, exactly as sent:
me: save me...NOW
chris: ha ha ha....ha ha ha ha ha ha... ha
me: you fucking suck
chris: maybe she will have a stroke
me: we could hope, or you can kill her now
chris: maybe and acute case of apendicitis
me: knife her, right in the base of the skull
chris: it would take more than that to kill that god of a succubus
me: youre a coward...i hate you
chris: you told me to be nice (this is true, chris is a mean drunk and tries to start fights)
me: BE MEAN!
chris: nope
i hate chris
she is still touching me, im afraid im gonna get HIV if this continues....she kissed my cheek....i think i need a delousing
that was it, last straw...i declare that i am gay and want no part of her, maybe not in those words, it was more like this " leave me alone, id rather sleep with brad"
just to clarify, im not gay, but i had no other options at that point....she wouldnt take no for an answer...and i cant hit women, even if they are devil whores.
she throws her dominoes, and storms off
i win
perita:
Hey! Thanks for request my friendship 