well it seems that its harder then it seems to get rid of this place .........but hopefully i'll drop dead real soon...... that's about all i can hope for at this point 
i am very confused right now
can't seem to get it together all i care about is not hurting anyone but myself but i can't seem to hurt myself without hurting others ? how does that work?i only have love for one person and that person does love me but i still don't wanna be here in this fucked up world.. i wish i was never born, it would save me from all this greif and disgust i feel for myself, how can one actually feel this way about themselves? it's a pitty cause.............i do!
i can't make myself not think this way.. it's almost like i'm being made to think of myself like this? well
i guess i live with this inevitable feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
to keep wanting to die, to keep dreaming that i punch the mirror and take the piece of glass as the light gleams off it and plunge it through my godforsaken NECK, twisting it as the blood spills onto the floor,and
snapping the left over piece jutting out and looking into it to see myself as lhe last bit of blood spills out before i die!! how can one have these dreams and not be a fucking whacko.... i read it and it's got whacko written all over it ?. well i think inside that i am ready for this to happen !!! this isn't a cry for anything less than " please take me god" but he'll never listen ! i think maybe he'd rather me suffer all this anguish. oh did i mention that , that was one of the dreams that i most commonly had BUT not one of the more graffic of them, that is deffinatly one of the least graffic of the 10 different dreams i have had lately........
i don't bother reading other people's jounals anymore nor do i look at the sets of the new girls (or any of the girls for that matter) i am only using the journal feature here for myself and for myself only if you happen to comment on what i am writing i really won't even read it for i am in a world of my own where no one can reach me and no one can tell me what is right and what is wrong! i can only hurt myself and inflict pain and misery where it diserves to be inflicted!
my blood is
"LIKE AN EVER FLOWING STREAM" till the heart stops pumping it ....
when the journals stop then the stream probably has too
signed CONFUSED